Wednesday, November 30, 2005

EZMezzo Said...

Nuesday (a Day Late and a Dollar Short)


Researchers Convert Chicken Fat to Fuel

FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. - Fuel is the thing with feathers. Hoping to find an efficient way to help power automobiles and trucks, researchers at the University of Arkansas say they have developed a way to convert chicken fat to a biodiesel fuel.

General Motors Corporation, in an attempt to one up competitive rival Toyota's "Synergy Drive" hybrid technology has announced a partnership with Kentucky Fried Chicken to fuel their new "Clucky Drive" mechanism, which incorporates the new chicken fat fuel. It will be marketed as the first alternative fuel system that is "Finger Licking Good".






Partial Face Transplant Done in France



LYON, France - Doctors have performed the world's first partial face transplant, grafting a nose, lips and chin onto a 38-year-old woman disfigured by a dog bite, hospital officials said Wednesday. The hospitals' statement said the woman was in "excellent" condition, and the transplanted organs looked "normal." She wants to remain anonymous, the statement added. It seems there is still hope for Tori Spelling after all.
Unknown Said...

Tech Support Blues Update

No explanations... just read if you care. Don't if you don't. Every tech support rep on earth except for me and a few of my co-workers suck big floppy donkey dick. Oh, and Anna at U.S.Robotics seems lucid and sane.

Anna,

I really appreciate your assistance and I followed your advice. The call started off well as the rep put me on hold for 5 minutes as he read everything previous to the call that was associated with my case number. However, after having "read" this information he immediately began asking questions that were, presumably, already answered. I realized, then, that he hadn't really really read the previous correspondence thoroughly but in fact had been asking his co-workers what to do. This trend continued as I was repeated put on hold only to have him return with another round of questions based, not on critical thinking but on "the customer is wrong" attitude that one usually gets in a call center when your peers are asked for advice. Ego rules nothing if it does not rule Tech support. Unfortunately, after another ridiculous round of trying to blame the router, the settings, the environement, etc. and telling me that if there were a problem with the pcmcia card it just wouldn't work at all and that the fact that it does work at all means it is not malfuntioning (seriously, that's what the phone rep told me, that there is no middle ground... it either works 100% perfect or it won't work at all) I was told that he would have to escalate it to a higher up and have him call me back within 24 hours. He pretty much ignored all of my information asked me silly questions like "Are you using the most updated drivers for the card and firmware for the router?" Why is that silly? Well it's silly because there are no updated versions. The original firmware and driver versions are the only ones available. And yes, I have downloaded them from the site rather than trust the ones on the disk but it didn't make any difference. He said "I would hate to RMA the card only to have the same thing happen with the new card!" Yeah, I would hate that too, but since all the troubleshooting points to the card as the problem it seems like a reasonable risk to me. It did not seem to be a reasonable risk to him. He did try a new tactic. He began to gear up towards blaming the laptop. Too bad I'm not an idiot. That might have worked had I not had the sense to test this (malfunctioning 5411) card, and my other (working) card in a different laptop on two separate routers in two completely different environements. I don't know I bothered doing all this troubleshooting if the results were just going to be ignored. I guess I just should have called in screaming from the beginning. Anyway, I appreciate that you actually took the time to read my email and apply the appropriate logic. Please accept my compliments and understand that it was not you who inspired me to return my equipment and go buy a Belkin. It was every other person at U.S. Robotics I had contact with.
- Hide quoted text -

On 11/30/05, usr_amr_eng@aqinc.com <usr_amr_eng@aqinc.com> wrote:
Kyle,Sorry for all your frustration with the MAXg PC Card. From your description, it does appear that the card is not functioning as it should. Please call our tech support line between the hours of 10 AM to 7 PM Eastern Standard Time. The phone number for network products is 1-888-216-2850.As part of USR procedure there are some trouble shooting steps a tech support rep will go through with you. Mostly likely it will be determined that your MAXg PC Card is indeed defective and the tech support rep will issue you a RMA, for a replacement MAXg PC Card. Thank you for choosing U.S. Robotics!Your customer number is 300522843Please refer to case # 300836489 if you have any further questions.If you need further assistance, you can also reach us online at www.usr.com/supportPlease include all previous replies when/if responding to this message.Best Regards,Anna R. at Technical SupportUSR Technical Support

-----------------------I'm still waiting for a response. I also, just to rule the offchance that the uninspired and robotic answer I recieved earlier mightactually be true, moved the router even closer. I'm not less than 8 feet from the router with nothing between the router and the laptop. I alsotried connecting to my old USR 8054G with the new pcmcia card which Isuspect is causing the problem and noticed I was having the same problem. So... that's two different routers in two locations (three if you count mynegihbor's linksys) where the problem exists. If i switch to a differentpcmcia card the problem does not exist. I suppose you could copy and paste some irrelevant material from your support site again. But it won'thelp. What would help is if you could actually read through my problemand process it, think about it, and give me an answer that is relevant to the problem. In case you aren't sure what I'm getting at please myprevious correspondence (copied below) to which I am still awaiting arepsonse:Obviously the location of the router is not an issue since it is less than 10 feet from the pc. Also, if you will notice, the signal to noise rationis very good and the noise (interference) is very low. This problem alsoexists with the MAX-G pcmcia card but not with any other pcmcia card. Your response would seem to indicate that you didn't read my originalemail. I would appreciate it if you could actually address the issuepresented because a generic email about moving the router around doesn't help me at all. My old router (also a U.S. Robotics) was in the samelocation with no problems. As stated in my original email the connectionis always listed as excellent even when the Windows XP wireless connection icon says I am connected at the lower speeds. The USR utility always saysI am connected at 125 mbps. As it states in my original email, the signallevels are quite good. The noise is almost always at -99 and the signal to noise ration is above 40 all the time, from what I have observed.There aren't any concrete walls, lead base paint, or VLA microwavetelescopes between me and the router. Since the problem doesn't existwith the old router, and happens when I connect to my neighbor's wireless router as well, and doesn't happen with my other pcmcia cards that wouldindicate the problem is with the pcmcia card. Of course, all of this wasplainly spelled out in my original email like this:I have a Max-G router and Max-G 5411 pcmcia card. It's set for Max-G 125 mbps acceleration. The USR utility says I am connected at 125 mbpsbut the windows wireless connection description will start out saying Iam connected at 54 but slowly, 10 minutes or so, go to 36, then 18, then 11, and then down to 1mbps. The signal strength is excellent. Ithappens on every channel. The signal on almost all channels is at -58,noise -99 and signal to noise ration is always around 40. This wouldseem to be a pretty excellent connection. I cannot figure out why it isdropping so low. Throughout, the USR utility always says I am connectedat 125, even while I am running the tests the prove I am at 1mbps. I have tried every combination of settings ont he router. I did, however,switch over to a USR 5410 Wireless Turbo card which maintains a clearand constant 54 mbps without a drop over time. This would suggest the new Max-G 5411 card is the cause of the issue. Any assistance would beexcellent.Perhaps if someone could actually give me something other than thestandard blow-off b*llsh!t repsonse that doesn't address the facts presented I might be able to resolve the issue.- Hide quoted text -

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Unknown Said...

Linkuesday (Hiatus Interuptus)

EZMezzo Said...

Hodgepodge Tuesday


On a sad note, being dead sucks. On Thanksgiving Day former Karate Kid Star Pat Morita died of natural causes. My generation knew him as the old karate master from the Karate Kid Movies, but before that he was on Happy Days. Kinda reminds me of Alec Guiness, who will always be known as Obi-Wan Kenobi even though he was well known before. Even though, it's not Friday, it seems a Haiku is in order:

Master Miyagi
Ralph Machio owes you much
One final wax off

Monday, November 28, 2005

EZMezzo Said...

Hiatus? I guess It's Your Turn

So Whackly is on hiatus? I guess that is only fair, cause I took my own little "break" last week. I was off all week, and stayed as far away from my personal confuser as possible, thus no blogging. I played quite a bit of xbox though, (although not the 360 thanks to MS's inability to stock enough product in the stores...THOSE BASTARDS!!!!), enough even to get video game thumb. Stupid repetitive stress injuries!

Anyways, I am back in the game this week...recovered from my mass ingestion of turkey and turkey by-products. No more turkey for a whole year....
Unknown Said...

Hiatus

I will be taking a brief hiatus from posting here on Mental Fiber for the following reasons:

Selling a house
My damned router
New furniture
Old furniture
Christmas
Job search
Blah Blah Blah....


Mostly it's because there is so much to do in preparation for selling our house I just don't have the extra time. Mezzo has been AWOL for a few weeks so maybe he'll come back and pick up the slack, I can't say. If you've anything you want to make sure that at least 20 people, including the Lucas Arts Forum Moderators, to read please feel free to email it to me.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Unknown Said...

Tech Support Blues

I sent the following inquiry to USR's email tech support:

I have a Max-G router and Max-G 5411 pcmcia card. It's set for Max-G125 mbps acceleration. The USR utility says I am connected at 125 mbpsbut the windows wireless connection description will start out saying Iam connected at 54 but slowly, 10 minutes or so, go to 36, then 18, then11, and then down to 1mbps. The signal strength is excellent. Ithappens on every channel. The signal on almost all channels is at -58,noise -99 and signal to noise ration is always around 40. This wouldseem to be a pretty excellent connection. I cannot figure out why it isdropping so low. Throughout, the USR utility always says I am connectedat 125, even while I am running the tests the prove I am at 1mbps. Ihave tried every combination of settings ont he router. I did, however,switch over to a USR 5410 Wireless Turbo card which maintains a clearand constant 54 mbps without a drop over time. This would suggest thenew Max-G 5411 card is the cause of the issue. Any assistance would beexcellent.

I got an automated message telling me to expect a repsonse within hours.
2 days later I got this:

Dear Kyle,Thank you for choosing U.S. Robotics.Low range can be caused by environmental interference. Try to move theAccess Point around to improve the link quality. In addition, keep inmind that other factors such as lead-based paint, concrete walls, andelectronic items such as 2.4G phones may affect your wireless rangeAgain, thank you for choosing U.S. Robotics.If you reply to this message, please click 'Reply' and include allprevious correspondence. This allows us to track and resolve your issuemore efficiently.

Sincerely,
Che
U.S. RoboticsTechnical Support

Please note the disparity between the evidence presented and the answer given. It seems the only way that anyone ever gets an answer of any validity out of a tech support representative is to speak with me or my co-workers. I think we are the only tech support department in the world that actually supports anything. Please note that I don't want to be one of the shitty customers that piss me off every day so I did do what Che's email suggested. It, of course, made no difference at all. Pathetic.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Unknown Said...

Linkuesday

EZMezzo Said...

Denied...


Today was the launch of the Xbox 360 in North America, and I was not lucky enough to get one today. Every store was sold out, and the one guy laughed at me when I asked when he thought more would be shipped to the store, he was like...January Dude...DAMN... I feel like Homer Simpson when he went into space

"It was like that one time...when I wanted to go see Mr. T at the mall, I kept saying, I'll go later, I'll go later...and when I finally went, he wasn't there, and when I asked when he would be back, they said they didn't know..."

Looks like Whackly will be 360'ing by himself for a while longer. I just love wallowing in my own crapulence.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Unknown Said...

I don't want to brag but.... SUCK IT

Some of you know what this is. If you know what it is you also know that it cannot be purchased (at least not legally) anywhere in the world until November 22nd, 2005. I didn't do anything illegal to get it, nor did it cost me a single cent. Please commence the eating out of your own heart. Also... We can dance! We can dance! Everybody look at your pants! P.S. It's so much cooler than you can imagine. In fact, merely by having one 4 days early (especially considering the shortage which is going to cause so many tears when you go to buy one and can't get it) makes me your better. I would like to thank the cleaning lady at work whose name I can't remember because I'm terrible with names, Erin, Jaime, Robert, Jesse, and Steve for their donations. Mostly, though, I want to thank Jamie. Your immeasurable contribution made this happen and when your family is over the flu (yeah, I'm a germ freak!) I would be honored if you would drag them all over to worship this truly magnificent box (and me, it's magnificent owner).

Friday, November 18, 2005

Unknown Said...

Haiku Friday


Haiku Dissed

Mezzo is AWOL
I need submissions from you
I'll supply the pics



"The quotes on the bottom are up to you but failing to submit ones means I'll fill the gap with one of my own." - my fingers

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Unknown Said...

To the LA Mods

You keep coming back. You must really love us. And we love you, especially since you started banning people we know for no reason. That is such a professional and classy thing to do that we just couldn't let it happen without mention.

Please accept this portait of DarkMoose as my most sincere thanks to you!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

EZMezzo Said...

Geeks of the World Unite


Here's proof of my geek-dom. This cartoon seems funny to me. Is it sad that I am more interested in analyzing the code rather than the punchline? Sometimes being an engineer by nature isn't pretty...
Unknown Said...

Late Breaking Linkuesday

I know it's Wednesday but this one can't wait.

Can you have a walking stick in prison?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Unknown Said...

A day late and I've got the dollar but you can't have it.











I punched "Happy Birthday" into Google's image search.
Unknown Said...

Nuesday

Highly Educated Columnist Reveals Secret Shame!

Following the release of her controversial new book Are Men Necessary?, a collection of New York Times gender issue pieces and pseudo-relevant commentary, Maureen Dowd was forced to admit she had failed 8th grade biology. Critics of both genders have panned the book implying, almost universally, that Dowd has used the book to try and justify her angst and lack of self-esteem stemming from her inability to land a decent man. Recently, it was thought that she may be leaving The New York Times. Some speculate that she may plan to play for the other team. A notion that seems to be supported by recent developments. She has recently signed a lucrative endorsement deal with the Corrugated Laminate Intermediary Technology Operators Regulation Improvement Sociecty which seeks to use Dowd to boost the public perception of it's new non-toxic food-quality cardboard boxes.
EZMezzo Said...

Trivuesday

Todays Trivia Quiz involves my favorite show (and Whackly's at least until he "said" he likes The Office better)...Futurama.

1. In Roswell That Ends Well, who says the line to Fry..."Do you ever sometimes feel like you are going with ladies cause you are suppose ta?"

2. What kind of sandwich does Fry eat that gives him worms which makes him incredibly smart and strong?

3. Amy is a rich trust fund having intern from what planet?

4. In "FutureStock", what disease does the 80's Stockbroker have which eventually does him in?

5. Leela is the Captain of The Planet Express Ship. What fact about her makes this a rather unobvious choice?

6. In "GodFellas", what is the name of the beer that the tiny society of worshipers brews on Bender while he's floating through space?

7. What Olympic Sport was Hermes a World Class Athlete at before he became a bureaucrat?

8. What is Bender's full name, and where was he made?

9. In Roswell That Ends Well, what food item does Dr. Zoidberg eat twice during his alien autopsy?

10. What comedic actor is Phillip J. Fry named after?
Unknown Said...

Linkuesday

I should be doing laundry but somebody beat me to both washing machines and the one dryer that works. Since I can't do laundry I will post my links. Most of these I found myself but, like usual, there were a few from Doordolt and others. Down at the bottom, though, is the greatest and most hilarious link Doordolt has ever sent me. I've been through the first 32 so far and I've just about crapped my pants like 8 times. Maybe I'm just in the mood for a laugh... you be the judge.

Let's all go to Kampot and blow our faces off! (Ah, suicide, the nearly final solution)

Monitor Lizard Happy Super Pork Cheek Fun Time! (2003 Technical Emmy winner for best use of a pork chop in a dangerous stunt)

His daughter has the most magnificent pussy! (notice the expertly crafted spit take by the dinner guests when he says it for the first time)

This is the 2nd best idea ever. (the first is down below and is titled Double Dong Delight)

A big Thanks to Doordolt for bringing this very dry and sardonic page to my attention. (I just about shit for #3 and it was all uphill from there)

Monday, November 14, 2005

EZMezzo Said...

Prime Number Brothers



Today officially marks a finite window that me and my brother are officially "prime number brothers" as I turned 31 today, and for another 3 weeks my brother will be 37. So instead of wallowing in the fact that I've turned one year older, I decided to take this time to blog some interesting tidbits about being "Prime Time".

Websters defines a prime number as:

prime \'prim\ n [ME, fr. MF, fem. of prin first, L primus; akin to L prior] 1 : first in time : ORIGINAL 2 a : having no factor except itself and one <3> b : having no common factor except one <12> 3 a : first in rank, authority or significance : PRINCIPAL b : having the highest quality or value <~ television time>

Besides the fact that prime numbers have no divisors except 1 and itself, here are some other fun facts. If you multiply the two numbers together, the resulting product is 1147. The following events occured during the year 1147:

  • Siege of Lisbon: King Afonso I of Portugal and the Crusaders capture Lisbon from Muslims
  • First written mention of Moscow.
  • Abd al-Mumin destroys the Almoravid Empire
  • Dore Abbey founded Wendish Crusade
If you average the two numbers together, you come up with "34". 34 happens to be the number of the greatest running back in NFL history, and also my childhood idol, Walter Payton.

Anyway you calculate or spin the numb3rs, it is still more sand trickling through the bottom of the hourglass of life. Instead of being depressed that I am over 10 times as old as my Nephew, I am going to look to the future. Year number 31, here I come, I'm "primed" and ready!

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Unknown Said...

Double Dong Delight

Disclaimer: I am going to blog about something truly foul here. I will be using euphamisms that will seem more offensive than if I had just said the words. If you don't want to know what I mean don't read further.
I was speaking with a friend of mine, a co-blogger who will remain nameless, concerning our post about the doughnut bumping cheerleaders. Somehow the words "double ended dildo" entered the conversation. This brought to mind something I had wondered once or twice in the past. It seems to me that the underlying concept of a double ended dildo is flawed. Let's assume, for the rest of this post, that when using a double ended dildo both ends are equally lubricated. Now, assuming this, it would seem that one of the participating "holes" is going to lose out. Unless the two users are twins (hot and sick at the same time) one of them is bound to have a "better grip" with their bum button or snatch basket than the other. This would mean that all of the motion would take place on the end that is less snugly placed. Whichever user has a tighter "fuck bucket" is going to serve as an anchor point and the looser user will get the majority benefit of the oscillation. Is this true? I wouldn't know. If it is true, however, I have an idea to rectify the imbalance. It all starts with A Tribe Called Quest. There is a lyric in one of my favorite Tribe albums that goes "You couldn't converse if you had fuckin' react juice." Since I listen to this album once in a while the memory of the Converse shoes with "React Juice" technology has stayed fresh in my mind. React Juice was symply a series of tubes and pockets int he sole of the shoe that were filled with fluid. The idea was that the pressure of the foot would move the fluid around to equalize the pressure on the sole and therefore ensure a more stable and more uniform application of friction between the sole and the ground. It is not the friction we should consider here but more the equalization of pressure. I daresay you may have some idea where I am headed with this, now. If a double ended dildo had a void in the middle that was filled with some manner of inert and non-toxic pneumatic fluid it would ensure that the pressure betweent he two ends would always be equal. This means that whichever end was inserted into the tighter space would contract slightly and subsequently the opposite end would swell. Assuming both ends are equally lubricated there should be no way for either end to be gripped tighter than the other (unless the operational limits of the materials are exceeded). If the pressure exerted on both ends is always equal and the lubrication is equal it seems that the experience would be more equally enjoyable. In fact it seems that it would make for a more random and frantic session of dirty dirty hole slapping. Should I patent this? You opinions welcome.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Unknown Said...

Haiku Friday


It's Pussy

They talk every day
But they don't touch each other
And they sure want to



"I'm gonna wash that jizz right out of my hair!" - K. Paav
Unknown Said...

Haiku Friday - Something Dirty Edition


She Sucked What?

She told him that night
Got a bad reputation
And it ain't just talk



"La la la la la la. La la la la la la. La la la looking for my leopard. - Rathergood
Unknown Said...

Haiku Friday - Something Dirty Edition


Wisps of Hate

Floating in ether
Tales of your debauchery
The poison of lies



"Illusion, Michael. A trick is something whores do for money." - GOB (ArrDev)
Unknown Said...

Haiku Friday - Something Dirty Edition


True Story, Look It Up

Whackly is a girl
Doordolt bathes with his grandma
Chocho sucks his thumb



"I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it." -Lucille (ArrDev)
Unknown Said...

Haiku Friday


Piss and Shit

High illogica
Forgotten sinews of truth
Strangle common sense



"The employees are Astound's greatest asset"- K. Wietecki

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Unknown Said...

SONY! YOU FUCKERS!!!!

For those of you who actually took the time to read the previous two links concerning Sony's use of rootkit technology and the fact that they are spying on you and lying about it please read the following link. Doordolt sent me this link this morning and I swear to got I nearly spit fire when I read the headline. It was only a matter of time. This was fast. Faster than normal.

SONY SUCKS!! AND LOOK WHAT THEY STARTED!!

And MORE!! RAGE BUILDING!!!

OH that is it!!!!!!!

HULK MAD!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

EZMezzo Said...

Hot Girl on Girl Action...


No, this isn't an advertisement for one of those "girls gone wild" commercials that seem to sweep the late night TV Airwaves. Plain and simply, it is a story of a couple of Carolina Panther Cheerleaders...who went to a bar for a Tampa Bay road game...got a little liquored up...decided to have sex in the women's bathroom...got in a bar tussle...and got cuffed and stuffed...

If this story wasn't real it seems like something right out of the "Adult" section of the video store. The question now for these ladies remains...what are you going to do with your 15 minutes of fame? The clock is running.
EZMezzo Said...

Time For George to Add Another Story on the House...

Ala Hank Scorpio in the Simpsons...It looks like Mr. Lucas just got a little richer, as the combined sales for the Star Wars Episode 3 DVD and the Star Wars Battlefront 2 Game reached $210 Million in its first week of sales. Who knew in 1977 that a "space opera" would become so lucrative?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Unknown Said...

Trivuesday

Get your groove on.

1. Who posted the Mental Fiber link on the Douch of the Week nominee's blog comments page?

2. Do rational people resort to rioting if their segregated and maligned 10% portion of a county's population is ignored by the government of the country?

3. Would I be fired if I continued to go to work but flatly refused to take calls until the obvious problems with the service which are causing large scale inconvenience, annoyance, and financial loss for the company's customers are fixed?

4. How much does Dijital Majik suck?
Unknown Said...

Nuesday


Kansas beats Iowa, Minnesota, and Idaho for the title of MOST BACKWARD STATE. In a controversial vote the Kansas State Board of Education has approved the teaching of Intelligent Design in Kansas classrooms. Representatives have stated that the board found that the recent archaelogical evidence and discoveries in molecular biology have proven the existence of intelligent design. The representatives refused to identify the scientific evidence they used to come to this conclusion. Unlike most Nuesday posts the punchline of this post is not sarcastic, ironic, sacreligious, sardonic or false. Here's the punchline: This Story is TRUE!!!! Don't go to Kansas!
Unknown Said...

Linkuesday

SONY LIES, SONY CHEATS, SONY BREAKS THE LAW, SONY SUCKS

I posted this one last week but since Doordolt brought this to my attention there has been alot of press and uproar about this. So please read this. It really is important. If you own anything Sony you MUST READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Here's an important update. This is a MUST READ follow up to the above link!!
EZMezzo Said...

Nuesday



Las Vegas - Sigfried and Roy made their first public appearance last week as patrons to a Vegas show last week. The entertainers have been out of the public eye ever since Roy was mauled by a white tiger in their show a few years ago. Sources close to the couple have been quoted as saying that Roy's extensive medical treatment has been costly and has drained their once substantial resources. In a related story, Sigfried and Roy have announced a new partnership with the makers of KY Jelly to use their celebrity to sell product. Calls to their Las Vegas Suite were not returned, although other guests reported hearing muffled sounds of "OH SIGFRIED!!!", "OH ROY!!!!" heard faintly in the hotel.
Unknown Said...

File under "Bitch ass geezers!"

I don't go to the grocery store during the day. I never really have. In fact, ever since reading a lbog from a coworker about his experience at the store during daytime hours I have made sure not to go. Yesterday, however, I had to. There were necessities that needed to be purchased and they couldn't wait until after 5 (when old people go to bed). I entered the store after having been nearly killed, mamed, or otherwise run down by countless rocketing blue hairs trying to pilot giant sedans from 3 inches below the steering wheel. I grab my cart and fight, like Livingston trying to cut is way free of the jungle while in a Malarial fever, to the TP, the milk, the other sundries (oh yeah, sundries) I needed. I was cut off, stalled, and otherwise thwarted in every attempt to maneuver but scores of shufflin seniors with carts full of fiber and beef liver. I waited at the end of an isle, trapped with a lady deciding which can of chili she wanted behind me and another enjoying the wonderous colors of a Lucky Charms end cap display. Both of them looked at me when I asked them to move and both of them went right back to what they were doing and ignored me completely. Finally I stepped in front of my cart and lifted the end of the Lucky Charms lady's cart and lifted it up, turned it 45 degrees, and walked on through. Over and over similar things were happening all around me. Finally I decided to scratch half my list and I made for the check out aisle. As I stood there waiting to check out I realized I hadn't gotten frozen hash browns. I left my card and went 10 feet to the freezer, grabbed the hash browns and came back. In that 15 seconds some old bat had moved my cart, still half full of groceries, into the aisle and pushed her cart in front of me. She then proceded to force the lady in front of her off to the side as she wrote her financial info into her checkbook forcing the cashier to climb onto the counter to reach far enought to hand the recipt to the previous customer. As I watched this happening an old lady behind me threw a 12 pack of soda on to the belt with my groceries. I turned in time to realize it was my 12 pack of soda. I looked at her strangely as she handed me the jar of pickles I had taken of the shelf and then turned to walk away with my cart! I was going to wheel my groceries to the car with that cart. I said "excuse me, ma'am?" and she turned and looked at me as she walked away but she didn't stop or acknowledge that she heard or understood me. None of this really surprises me. For years I have been painfully aware that the people in this town are the rudest and most inconsiderate bunch of sucks that ever sucked. The whole reason I shop at that Coborn's in the first place is because, despite the higher prices, is that it's the only place aside from super expensive ass Byerly's where I can actually get service with some assemblance of competance. Speaking of service, how's this!? As I finally reached the point where my items were scanned and I was preparing to pay the checkout girl asked me how I was. I said "I hate shopping here during the day, no offense to you..." She said "Yeah, it's almost like you wish there was some sort of spray that smelled like 'change' or 'kids on the lawn' to keep them away from you." I was stunned. Suddenly the whole shitty experience was worth it. I no longer felt like the only person in the store with a brain. My hope for humanity renewed, I struck out for home. My rejuvenated outlook lasted only moments, though, since as I was putting my groceries in the trunk a gentleman easily in his 90s pulled up in a Buick of some kind and said "Are you gonna be long or should I keep driving around?" I said "It'll only be a second or two." He replied by saying "You're young, why don't you park in the back and let the old people park up front?" I closed my trunk. I leaned on the back and said "Maybe you should just keep driving." He seemed confused. He didn't seem to get why I was acting like I was offended. He just stayed there, cars piling up behind him, much to close for me to back out anyway. He started to get mad after about 20 seconds and asked me "Are you leaving?" I said "Nope." and he drove off. Fuck old people. I would like them if they could just stop themselves from acting like assholes.
Unknown Said...

Linkuesday

I don't have nearly as many as last week but the one at the end is a mezmerizing classic that absolutely must be experienced with speakers:

Don't fuck with anything equine! (Especially a horsetoothed welsh woman.)

Good old internet... always there to make you feel warm inside. (Powergenetailia... classic)

Jesus King of Pop Christ, that's offensive! (the gift pack comes with a teddy bear a some rufies)

Toke up and click on this. (Or don't toke up but don't compain to me about lame it is if you don't...)

Monday, November 07, 2005

EZMezzo Said...

Team Engrish Hyperforce GO!


As you may have seen in the past couple of weeks by some "interesting" posts by Whackly, the LucasArts Forums have been taken over by a whole slew of moderators destined to take a stranglehold on the normal LA Forums banter that has occured without notice for many months. It seems that a new home for a moderator-less forums was in order.

Whackly and Myself are proud to announce the new Team Engrish Hyperforce Go! Site which deals with all thing Star Wars Battlefront (and many things not as well). A GREAT Big thanks to Doordolt for his web design of the new site, and for also providing a home for it as well. It looks amazing.

Team Engrish Hyperforce Go (or as I like to shorten it "TEGG"), is up and running. Like the classic Simpsons Stone Cutters Episode "It's the club of no Modders".

Friday, November 04, 2005

Unknown Said...

Douche of the week (not a weekly feature... yet)

Here is my nomination for douche of the week. If anyone would like to second it I think we could progress to an official vote.
Unknown Said...

One More for the LA Mods

We love you! We really do. We just wanted to show you we are treating your Mom with the gentle respect she deserves.
Unknown Said...

Haiku Friday



Creator Almighty

On the battlefront
Communication is key
If you wish to win



"I cracked ass so hard I threw my back out." -Anonymous Coworker
EZMezzo Said...

Haiku Friday



New Beginning

Mods took our forum
New home designed by Doordolt
Reincarnated



"I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around." - Han Solo
Unknown Said...

Welcome Back Lucasarts Moderators!!!

We must have made an impression since you keep coming back to Mental Fiber again and again. We appreciate your patronage. This one's dedicated to you!

Thursday, November 03, 2005

EZMezzo Said...

The "H" Should Stand For Hypocrite


I was watching TV last weekend and saw the most absurd marketing campaign for a car in recent memory. No, it wasn't flashes of Joe Izuzu (I hated that guy)...or even Bob Rohrman (People in Chicago will understand that reference). It was a commercial for the new Lexus RX400H Hybrid SUV. The car itself isn't a bad concept, after all hybrid technology is going to help stretch our gas reserves further than before, but rather it is the commercial advertising this vehicle that strikes a chord with me.

In the commercial, it shows a whole bunch of truly "green" concept cars...solar powered, hydrogen powered, etc. driving down a road...like a flash of lightning this Lexus vehicle drives by them leaving only dust trails. Comparing a hybrid SUV which gets gas mileage not even comparable to standard economy cars is shameful, and suggesting that it is as "green" as real alternative fuel cars is terrible. I suppose they have to have some sort of way to sell it to the public though, as there are other things about the Lexus ( such as not allowing a user to change the NAVI settings unless in park) that are pretty annoying. Good concept, bad marketing. They should have had it passing up a bunch of H2's which were broken down out of gas on the road. That would have been more fitting.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

EZMezzo Said...

On The Battlefront

Yesterday was Nov 1. Besides being the first day of a new month...it was also the release date for both Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith, and Star Wars Battlefront 2. Being the big time Star Wars Fan as I am, I naturally had to venture out during the day yesterday to grab my new "swag". Here are my first impressions of both:

Revenge of the Sith DVD - The circle is complete, as one can finally own all six movies in the collection. Of course (we all know this is coming eventually)...Lucas' quest to rule the galactic empire will include a 6 disc saga collection probably on HD-DVD or Blue Ray. However, for now, owning all six in regular DVD format makes me happy. Packaging of this latest episode is true to form with all the other prequel releases. There is a new THX opening, which is kinda cool...plus the picture and sound quality of every digitally encoded bit are crisp and clean with no caffiene. This one is definitely the best of the prequels.

Star Wars Battlefront 2 - It's predecessor, which was boasted as the best selling Star Wars Game Ever has gotten bigger and better with this release. The graphics have gotten a major upgrade (the textured stones on Utapau are brilliant and look slippery), along with more maps and full space battles. The game is fun, and definitely Battlefront. My first impression observations are...the Super Battle Droids have been weakened in this version and no longer dominate. The XBox Live support seems to be laggier than the original game, and some of the button mapping is confusing and unintuitive. Overall, a good solid title.

Whackly finally got his copies in the mail today (he preordered)...hope to see him on the Battlefront soon!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Unknown Said...

Nuesday

Allen pledges to live long enough to "marry at least one more daugher,"

Photo courtesy of Reuters
Director Woody Allen (pictured above with his current wife, his daughter, his next wife, a statue of himself and some white girl) stated, this week, that living to 70 has not given him any wisdom he did not possess at 30. To prove this he announced his intention to marry at least one more of he daughters. He acknowledged the legality might be difficult since, this time around, the daughters in question are not adopted. He also stated that he is likely to go for his youngest daughter (child of current wife and former daughter Sun Yi) and said that if he does marry the blonde one it will only be to get at her younger sister.


Unknown Said...

Trivuesday

Relevance or irrelevance: what difference does it make?

1. What two cartoon characters fought over "Lickety Splits?"

2. What was a "Lickety Split?"

3. What villain attorney served as plaintiff counsel opposite Harvey in Bannan vs. Quest?

4. What does Frylock rock you like?

5. Did you see my pathetic guest strip on Suppository?

6. If you answered "no" to #5, why not? If you answered "yes" to #5, did you like it?

7. Should Aoasus put his motorcycle away for the winter?

8. Who put the "bomp" in the "bo..... Oh God why?

9. Who or what is the 7th Hoxrux? Snape? Potter? Pettigrew? Sirius (alive and trapped in an alternate universe)?
10. Why do my fingernails start growing really fast when it gets cold out?
Unknown Said...

Linkuesday

All the links this week were provided by Doordolt or Mike (the guy who wore a Star Trek uniform to work yesterday). There are two categories. SCARY!!! and FUNNY!!!

In honor of Halloween we will do scary first.

Sony leads the industry in fascist Digital Rights Management (warning Geek required for comprehension)

Even WPA-PSK easily cracked! (keep your Geek handy for this one too)

Happy Halloween! (this would have gone in the funny file except that it seems to cause violent nausea in the more dramatic)

Politics gets even uglier as liberals get some scrote, finally! (dirty or not, it's about time)

On to the funny! (maybe some of these should be switched around)

A beauty contest where the contestants can't sleep with the judges... well actually.... (keep your barf bag handy and thank god there are no pictures)

Every 28 days she acts like she's possessed! (Move over The Onion. Landover Baptist here I come)

He was wearing pants that felt like tennis ball fuzz. He was asking for it. (little did they know, that dog was a registered sex offender)

Yahoo News editors obviously don't know what "the shocker" is. (Dirty Proverbs: if you also don't know)
Ah, the internet. Humanity's doom and salvation all in one porn filled cupcake. I hope you enjoyed all the links this week. I know I did.