Tividay

Here are some questions for you to ponder.

1. Who cares?

2. When I stop playing with myself does Jesus stop crying right then or does he remember it later on and tear up?

3. Is it sad to be 30 and stil laugh every time someone says "duty," "what you don't do is this but what you do do...." and the like?

4. How much does it suck to run out of stuff to do at 3 but have to sit at your desk until 5 in case something comes up?

5. Am I really smarter than most people or do I suffer from delusions?

6. Was I talking about me in the last question or was I talking about you as if I were you?

7. What'd I mean by that?

*. Why do I always hit the shift key when I type the number eight?

9. What celebrities do your co-workers most look like?

10. Do people of other races think my cracker-ass looks down on them and then think less of me for being white?

11. How big were the balls on the PC-Thug that once tried to convince me, in the Roosevelt dorms, that situations described in question 10 aren't racism but merely a reality nurtured into minorities as a necessary paranoia?

12. The new lady at work has an album with her band and it sounds like Sleater Kinney or something similar to that and I think it's cool that this album exists and that she's proud of it but am I bad for thinking that I don't want to hear it again? (Gawd Marcia would love it... I'm nauseous).

13. How afraid am I that my co-workers read this blog that I have to include nearly a paragraph of complimentary preface before I admit that the album playing less than 8 feet from my head is making me want to cauterize my life and is jeopardizing my sanity?

14. What was the last name of the customer I just talked to whose last name also happens to be the same as the Pearl Jam song that was the king keg song on 101.7 a few weeks ago?

15. I you and I were stranded on a desert island together how long would it take for you to get paranoid that I'm going to off you and chow down?

For Doordolt

Here I present my last post, verbatim, with paragraphs.

Avoiding controversy through labelling.
As you know from Mezzo's last post, he and I went to see the human jerky exhibit at the Science Museum of Minnesota on Sunday. Now I've heard some tell that this exhibit was considered controversial. Indeed, I've even defended it to some detractors. However, having seen it now I don't think I'll defend it any longer.

For those of you who don't know already the exhibit consists of real human bodies (and parts of human bodys) that have been flayed open in all different manners and preserved with plastic or resin or some crap (I didn't read the pamphlet) in a process called plastinization. The end result is a series of "visible men" with all the interior bits and pieces showing. It's interesting from an anatomical standpoint but I didn't see anything in these preserved bodies that I couldn't have seen in a Gray's Anatomy, a classroom model, or on the discovery channel. I wouldn't encourage anyone to see this exhibit. I'm not going to boycot it or anything. No protests. I don't think it's offensive, really. Well, it is offensive but not for the reasons you'd think. The exhibit was supposedly somewhat controversial.

Now the controversy hinges on the fact that some people think it's just plain vulgar to do these things to a human body (prudes) and those who think it just triples the vulgarity to then display these dismembered bodies to the public (not quite as prudish but still silly). I don't agree with these people. They are just dead bodies. Those aren't people anymore. If you're religious then you should understand that the soul has left the body and it's just a husk. If you're not religious you should understand that the person who was the dead body in front of you ceased to be completely the moment that person died. If you still find the idea that they are real bodies bothersome then don't go. Easy enough. Personally I just think that there's anything wrong with doing that with a dead body when the person who donated the body did so with the knowledge of what would happen to their body when they died. What's the big deal?

Here's my problem with the exhibit. I didn't see any scientific value in it. The scientific/health agenda being pushed (anti-smoking, anti-obesity, anti-drug, and so forth) does have more impact when the black and shriveled lung you're looking at is an actual lung rather than a model or a picture but did I learn anything I didn't already know? No, I didn't. So the only real scientific value these statues have is the "shock value" that the creators insist wasn't the point in the first place.

So the creators of this exhibit claim that shock value isn't the point and that's fine. So what is the point? With no real scientific value to anyone except maybe medical students what do these disfigured bodies stand for? Well the only answer I can come up with is "artistic value." Had it been presented to me as an art exhibit its value completely changes. As an art exhibit it was excellent. The work, thought, effort, creativity, and knowledge that went into creating these works is apparent and the results are beautiful and haunting. I would imagine that it's the medium artists like H.R. Geiger should have worked in but couldn't, due to social stigma.

So how are these new artists able to work in this medium without getting run out of town with pitchforks and torches? Well they call it science, that's how. Instead of an art exhibit it becomes a scientific exhibit and suddenly they can avoid a great deal of the anticipated public disgust that would be associated with using real human bodies for artwork. So if you're an artist that wants to make sculptures out of used humans you have to make sure you include some science/health social agenda content for "shock value" but you can still maintain your artistic integrity by denying that "shock value" was your intent. Lame. The end result is a pointless contradiction.

Avoiding controversy through labelling.

As you know from Mezzo's last post, he and I went to see the human jerky exhibit at the Science Museum of Minnesota on Sunday. Now I've heard some tell that this exhibit was considered controversial. Indeed, I've even defended it to some detractors. However, having seen it now I don't think I'll defend it any longer. For those of you who don't know already the exhibit consists of real human bodies (and parts of human bodys) that have been flayed open in all different manners and preserved with plastic or resin or some crap (I didn't read the pamphlet) in a process called plastinization. The end result is a series of "visible men" with all the interior bits and pieces showing. It's interesting from an anatomical standpoint but I didn't see anything in these preserved bodies that I couldn't have seen in a Gray's Anatomy, a classroom model, or on the discovery channel. I wouldn't encourage anyone to see this exhibit. I'm not going to boycot it or anything. No protests. I don't think it's offensive, really. Well, it is offensive but not for the reasons you'd think. The exhibit was supposedly somewhat controversial. Now the controversy hinges on the fact that some people think it's just plain vulgar to do these things to a human body (prudes) and those who think it just triples the vulgarity to then display these dismembered bodies to the public (not quite as prudish but still silly). I don't agree with these people. They are just dead bodies. Those aren't people anymore. If you're religious then you should understand that the soul has left the body and it's just a husk. If you're not religious you should understand that the person who was the dead body in front of you ceased to be completely the moment that person died. If you still find the idea that they are real bodies bothersome then don't go. Easy enough. Personally I just think that there's anything wrong with doing that with a dead body when the person who donated the body did so with the knowledge of what would happen to their body when they died. What's the big deal? Here's my problem with the exhibit. I didn't see any scientific value in it. The scientific/health agenda being pushed (anti-smoking, anti-obesity, anti-drug, and so forth) does have more impact when the black and shriveled lung you're looking at is an actual lung rather than a model or a picture but did I learn anything I didn't already know? No, I didn't. So the only real scientific value these statues have is the "shock value" that the creators insist wasn't the point in the first place. So the creators of this exhibit claim that shock value isn't the point and that's fine. So what is the point? With no real scientific value to anyone except maybe medical students what do these disfigured bodies stand for? Well the only answer I can come up with is "artistic value." Had it been presented to me as an art exhibit its value completely changes. As an art exhibit it was excellent. The work, thought, effort, creativity, and knowledge that went into creating these works is apparent and the results are beautiful and haunting. I would imagine that it's the medium artists like H.R. Geiger should have worked in but couldn't, due to social stigma. So how are these new artists able to work in this medium without getting run out of town with pitchforks and torches? Well they call it science, that's how. Instead of an art exhibit it becomes a scientific exhibit and suddenly they can avoid a great deal of the anticipated public disgust that would be associated with using real human bodies for artwork. So if you're an artist that wants to make sculptures out of used humans you have to make sure you include some science/health social agenda content for "shock value" but you can still maintain your artistic integrity by denying that "shock value" was your intent. Lame. The end result is a pointless contradiction.

The Epic Journey...The Abridged Version

I was in Minneapolis this past weekend for a family reunion on Saturday. Whackly and I had decided to make plans to get together on Sunday...a nice relaxed time with no schedule, floating on a breeze kind of like a feather. After some drama which included car problems...we were finally able to get together around noon on Sunday. Here's a blow by blow account of the day...

12:05 PM: Whackly picks me up at the airport after I had dropped off my rental car from the weekend.

12:07 PM: Decision to go to the Mall of America to find some lunch, before Whackly's stomach ingests itself.

12:30 PM: Arrive at Hooters in the Mall. Order Buffalo Shrimp, Wings, and Cheese Sticks. Finger Licking Good.

1:45 PM: Shopping, shopping, shopping...or as much as two guys can handle (about 25 min) ... cell phone accessories and some clothes were gathered.

2:10 PM: Orange Julius...haven't seen one of those in years...do I want to ingest raw eggs? Naw, I think that's a pass.

2:15 PM: Decision time...Underwater World or the Science Museum of Minnesota? Might as well see some of the city...Science Museum it is. Have directions to the museum? Hell no...let's just GO!

2:20 - 3:45 PM: Getting Lost is FUN!!!!!

During the quest for the museum we (B), (D) asked for directions twice. (C) Bought a map...walked all around downtown St. Paul, and turned a 20 minute trip into something considerably longer.

We stopped at a BP station at (B) and asked for directions. The two guys running the station were attendants ala Clerks. No map purchase was made cause they didn't have one. I swear Dueling Banjos could be heard in the background.

At gas station (C) we were finally able to find a map of St. Paul. The directions from the clerk here were semi correct, but the map was not.

We walked around downtown using our incorrect map as a guide. While walking we saw Mickey's Diner...which was featured in the Prairie Home Companion Movie that just came out.

Admitting defeat...we finally go into the Children's Museum (D) and ask for directions one last time. Once we figured out that we had to backtrack about 1/2 mile the way we came...we headed back to the car and took off for the museum.

4:00 PM: We made it to the museum! Woo Hoo! The first thing we see is the Omnimax theater presentation on an up close look at the human body. Sitting reclined in a movie seat watching a huge curved ceiling was hypnotic almost to a fault. Best moment of the film, a sperm swimming toward an egg all to the tunes of Barry White. Ah yea...baby!

5:00 PM: Off to see the Human Jerky exhibit. Plasticine-ized humans. That one looks teriyaki style.

This one was obviously blue screened ala Brandon Routh in the new Superman Movie, cause he is missing his bits and pieces, which in the real exhibits were there in all their glory. This exhibit was touted as educational...I'm not sure about that as much as it was suppose to be artistic, the way they posed the jerky treats...the one thing we learned...testicles ARE funny, especially when plasticined!

6:10 PM: Leave the museum to head back for food. Return trip to the airport area, 20 minutes. (That's more like it)

6:30 PM: Drive around to find a restaurant. Finally decide on going back to the Mall. Because we were floating around like a feather all day, Bubba Gump Shrimp Company seemed to be a fitting end to the day.

7:00 PM: Order the Cajun Shrimp Appetizer and Crab Stuffed Shrimp for entrees.

The Cajun Shrimp was GREAT. The Crab Stuffed Shrimp was pretty good too. A pretty good meal...Oh, and I think I'll never think of Sweet Caroline in the same way again!

8:15 PM: The day has sadly come to an end. Whackly drops me right back off at the airport for my return journey to Chicago. What a great day...to bad it was done too soon!

Windows XP Automatic Restart

I want my desktop (which is running nearly all the time because it gets used via remote desktop by 2 different people and also serves as the DVR and HD-DVR for my family) to shut down and restart every morning at 6 AM. My router autoreboots at this time each day already and I can't imagine what show I'd ever want to record that would be on at that time. Can anyone give some advice on how to do this?

Yeah yeah, I know I can use the task scheduler to run "shutdown -r" and varioius other options that include -f to close down all programs in case something doesn't want to shut down or a -t 00 to set a timeout. These options don't work. I've tried them.

Any alternative advice or a refined task scheduler/shutdown.exe solution that has been proven to work in XP would be appreciated. In fact a working answer might even lead to a reward or some kind of compensation... or something.

Holy Crap, Holy Crap, Holy Crap, Holy Crap, Holy Crap, Holy Crap, Holy Crap, Holy Crap!

Ther IS a God!!!!!!

So I says to Mezzo I says....

Good title, right?

I had the greatest idea for a blog earlier today with some real life inspiration but I forgot what that was.

I got Jackie Brown from NETFLIX. Of course, I watched it. I don't think, the last time I saw that movie, I was able to appreciate it properly. It's really good. Max Cherry is a kick-ass character and Samuel Jackson is right out of a Chapelle show skit. Good times. Michael Keaton is in it!!! Doing the pouty lipped Batman thing! And it was made long enough ago that when the character goes to the music store at the mall all the walls are covered with Audio Tape racks. Do they ever say what year it is? Maybe it's supposed to be retro. Maybe it took place in 1985. That would make a lot of sense. Except the clothes and the BiC Lighters with the childproofing thing on top. Damn my faulty memory or bad continuity errors.. whichever it is.

So I'm feeling kinda weird about this cause it's really not me. Not really. It's just funny. Somtimes you can't help what you think is funny. I was talking to someone earlier this week and I was trying to think of the name of the stick in the game la crosse. The only thing that came to mind was "dykesaber" and I laughed to myself for two solid days about it. I had finally forgotten when tonight they had a Seven Sisters joke about lesbian la crosse players on the Simpsons (weeknights at 6 and 6:30 on My 29!). That brought it all back to me and now I am laughing again.

Also I think I'm getting sleep deprived cause I laughed outloud when DeNiro shot Bridget Fonda in the the movie (y'know... Jackie Brown... a few lines up). Also I didn't feel like cooking and I didn't want to shop for groceries either. So I had a grinder from Toppers and it had disgusting slimy lettuce in it (from lettuce going on before it was toasted... that's my theory and I'd prefer you not deprive me of it since having to face the reality that it was probably slimy because it was in the bottom of the lettuce bin swimming in an ever oxidizing pool of saurkraut rejects is likely to make go right out shit brick crazy and start stuffing a homeade potato gun with frozen dead rats from the Herpetology Hobbyist annual Steals and Deals catalog)and it tasted like a bucket full of lukewarm badger vomit.

Haven't heard from any of you people lately! WTF. Nobody's emailing, nobody's calling, nobody's emailing, nobody's on Live, nobody's even throwing bricks at my windows anymore. I'm glad nobody needs a kidney donation or some computer repair but for Christ's sake CALL ME OR SOMTHING! I spent years being at work every night until 10. Now I sit at home at night with the family sleeping and watch my stupid indestructable fish swim around in circles. It's almost enough to make someone go bat shit bonkers and wedge doorstops under every closed back door in the neighborhood. Why aren't you calling anyhow? You'd think I blew my noise all huge and juicy and disgusting style at the table during lunch... at work... but I didn't.

CHOCOLATE SWIM FOR FREE!

http://www.adultswim.com/promos/chocolateswim/index.html


Haven't listened to it yet.

Stealing From Suppository.

Suppository... How I miss you!

...it's YOU!

A little advice for you. You're in a group of smokers outside work, sitting in a meeting, at the bar talking with friends, at a party, or... hell... on a boat with a goat and some breakfast obsessed persistently furry pot bellied backwards yoda talker named Sam... wherever you are... if you look around and can't immediately identify which person in the group is the "douche bag"... guess what...






(my advice in this situation is to get crappier friends)

Spears Forgets She Fired Hairdresser In Dorito Induced Stupor

Completely forgetting that she had fired her long time hairdresser in a violent rage of sodium and preservatives last May, Britney still claimed, Thursday, that she's a natural blonde. When asked if the rug matches the curtains she replied "How would I know? I have a gay guy for that."

Jay-Z About To Make Popping Noise

Jay-Z shocked and delighted critics and fans around the world when he announced earlier this week that he plans to make a light and mildly humorous popping noise with his mouth in the coming moments. Reached for comment Britney Spears said "I've been unable to follow anything media related cause I can't see the T.V. from my bed."

Josh Bolten's Skinny Tie Threatens Suicide

In the "Rock Band" that is the Bush Administration the Chief Of Staff is the bass player. And just as it is in the Rock world so shall it be in politics. He may provide the spap-dizzy country funk that keeps the whole concert jumping but the Chief Of Staff still only gets the groupie-ass that the Secretary of State passes over.

(Source: Pew Research)

Calling All Discs

I know I have both given and loaned many of you DVDs and CDs. If I have given them to you please keep them forever with my complements. If I have loaned them to you give them back.

I have lost track of who has what. I'm not picking on any specific person so don't think for a moment that I'm talking to JUST YOU. I'm talking to all of you to whome I might have loaned a disc. It's frustrating to have to order Comedians of Comedy AGAIN from Netflix because somebody has my copy and I DON'T KNOW WHO!!!


Stacey! You are far away! A list will suffice from you. I'll send you postage for the ones I want back. Yeah. I'm serious. LOL

toodles!!!!!!!!

A Traitor To The Cause (In The Name Of Good Sense)

"Treason! TREASON!" you'll all say. I hear the sharpening of pitchforks and the lighting of torches as I write this. Despite fear of retrobution I feel I have to say something.

I'm going to defend President Bush.

You O.K.? How's your head? Did you hit it on the way to the floor? You can stop rocking back and forth. It's not the end of the world.

I promised myself until I was sick of myself and had to tell myself to shut up that this day would never come. Yet, here it is. On the NBC nightly news (the national news not the local news) there was a story about President Bush tonight. It was concerning his Rose Garden press conference this morning concerning his surprise trip to Baghdad earlier this week. During the 90 second clip dedicated to this press conference 80 seconds were dedicated to and exchange between a reporter from the L.A. Times and GW where the Prez give the reporter a little ribbing for wearing sunglasses when it's not a sunny day. It was kinda funny, actually, and was seemingly an example of the President's good mood. Here's what the President didn't know. The reporter was blind. He didn't have a guide dog or a red and walking stick. He was just a normal looking dude wearing sunglasses on an overcast day to hide his eyes. Most blind people wear sunglasses because it hides their eyes. It's not because they need them. Why do they hide their eyes? Because we, as sighted humans, are freaked out by the blank and unmoving stares or unsunglassed blind people. So.. no harm done. The President didn't know the guy was blind and the blind guy wasn't offended (it was obvious from the video but NBC had reached this guy for comment and were glad to report that he verbalized his lack of offense for the record). So all us viewers had a mild laugh, followed by an uncomfortable moment of politically correct guilt from laughing at a blind man, followed by a feeling of pleasing ambivalence. Now we can get on with the news conference, right? He must have talked about his trip to Iraq. He must have had something to say about the timing of the Baghdad security lockdown. He must have said, at some point, the quotes that NPR played during their coverage of the press conference. Nope. Apparently the President had nothing to say worth reporting after having just returned from a country where our troops are fighting a bitter and unpopular war. At least, if he did, NBC didn't FUCKING REPORT IT! The only thing they saw fit to air was harmless social faux pas perpetrated by a president who's list of harmless social faux pas is so damned long it's just assumed, on pretty much any occasion, that he's going to say something stupid. FUCK YOU MASS MEDIA!!!! I'm calling NPR with my pledge right now. So should you.

Strapped to a Death Rocket

I'm not a malicious person, and I don't wish harm on anyone, but sometimes things happen, and it seems like the fitting conclusion to someone making stupid choices. I'm refering to Ben Rothlisberger's motorcycle accident yesterday in Pittsburgh. Getting in a wreck is tragic no doubt, and it is sad for his family, and all the people in the Steelers Organization who were depending on Big Ben to be a great piece of a winning football team for many years to come, but the way he sounded off last year about being proud of riding a motorcycle (which is a prohibited activity for NFL players), and furthermore without a helmet is unbelievable.

But the real problem was this...he is a 24 year old Uber-Athlete who thought he was invincible. There are enough other "uncontrollable" risks in everyday life to have to inject an extra game of Russian Roulette by strapping in on a crotch rocket death machine. I hope others will heed the lessons of Big Ben (and others before him....Jay Williams, Kellen Winslow Jr.) who have threatened their lives and careers over motorcycle wrecks. In fact, maybe professional sports teams will start to take a hint and stop drafting players that enjoy riding motorcycles...

Hall of Fame Quarterback Terry Bradshaw remarked last year about Ben's propensity to ride motorcycles in an angry tone "He should wait till he retires to do that." Too bad Big Ben didn't listen.

Messenger Is Fun

(21:59:43) SD: this is weird. on the simpsons they have asian flu . this is just weird visible flu germs.

(22:00:19) K: yeah i watched that earlier today

(22:00:26) K: and you want to hear what else is weird?

(22:00:30) K: i'm on the phone with paul

(22:00:31) SD: but there's another one where bart gets bitten by a chinese mosquito

(22:00:32) SD: yeah

(22:00:42) SD: he is weird

(22:00:42) K: and the moment i read what you said i heard simpson's music coming through the phone

(22:00:53) SD: ooh weeee oooh ooh

(22:00:58) K: AND last night on family guy lois went to jail for shoplifting

(22:01:04) K: and TODAY on the simpsons

(22:01:07) SD: nooo

(22:01:09) K: marge went to jail

(22:01:09) SD: no

(22:01:12) SD: for?

(22:01:12) K: for shoplifting

(22:01:21) SD: Oh ! My! God!

(22:01:27) K: AND ON THE DOOR HANDLE WAS A HOOK!

(22:01:31) SD: lol

(22:03:18) K: one more coincidence

(22:03:37) K: i was listening to a recording of david helfgot playing flight of the bumblebee

(22:03:46) K: and i couldn't remember the composers name

(22:03:50) SD: no

(22:03:51) SD: fucking

(22:03:52) SD: way

(22:03:54) K: so it was just playing

(22:04:02) K: and i was looking for something else to listen to

(22:04:36) SD: and you found a human hand in the freezer!

(22:04:42) K: no… right as i clicked onto the album labelled scherezade paul heard the flight of the bumblebee and said "hey that's rimsky korsakov!"

(22:04:54) K: and guess who composed shcerezade!?

(22:05:07) K: i thought he could see into my living room

(22:05:17) K: and saw what i was watching on tv

(22:05:19) SD: maybe he can

(22:05:26) SD: maybe indeed

(22:05:29) K: but it turned out to be a HUGE mexican sewer rat

(22:05:51) K: wasn't a chihuahua at all

(22:06:14) SD: shit

(22:06:57) K: and then he had some kind of weird pulmonary embolisms from diving too much and he died

(22:07:18) SD: noooo

(22:07:48) SD: did you read jerry today? i took out the depressing gramma stuff

(22:08:01) K: i haven't read it, no

An Open Letter To The Elderly Shoppers Of St. Cloud Minnesota

Dear Old People,

JUST FUCKING DIE ALREADY! If you can't do us the favor of dying please have the courtesy to live out the rest of your miserly, self-important, farina speckled lives indoors and away from the public your dusty presence chokes on a daily basis. If I go to Menard's to buy a new grill and some charcoal (inspired by Doordolt... Inspired By! Not Copied From!) I already have to schlep across a hardware wasteland whose layout was originally drawn in three useable dimensions and meant for zero gravity and whose translation to two demensional floorspace places the grilling utensils and picnic supplies 200 feet, as the crow flies, from the grills. I don't want to have to hack my way through this jungle of soft pine and cheap varnish while also pausing every 5 minutes because you and your rotund prairie wife parked your cart in the middle of the main aisle and are staring listlessly at an end cap display with no concern for the fact that there are lines of shoppers gathering trying to get around you. This inconsiderate loitering is bad enough but when juxtaposed by the fact that you and your Iowa Butter Hog decided that I was taking too long lifting a giant ass charcoal grill box off the shelf and placing it in my cart and decided, after 5 seconds of waiting, to use your cart as a ram to shove mine out of the way, force my cart over my foot as I was lifting the grill to place it inside, and now ,having displaced my cart by five feet, park your cart where mine was and start looking at grills! As if my temporary and necessary activity was somehow secondary to your need to mill around like cattle in the grill aisle! After having chucked my grill over the back end of my now discheveled cart and left I thought about going back to tell you you're a prick and kick your Wheat Hound in the stretchy capri sweatpants that hold back the tide of pasty vein covered camel toe. I decided to move on. After all, What Would Jesus Do? Well he wouldn't vote Republican, that's for sure. If I had gone back, however, I could have avoided my next two encounters with members of your IH hat wearin' peer group. I needed a fan. I saw a man with a Menard's shirt. He was an elderly gentleman with silver hair and stubby fingers. Grumpy plumber type. I asked where fans were and he began to tell me. Unfortunately he only got as far as pointing before another grumpy plumber type came up to ask a question about a brass hinge. Mr. Helpful employee kept pointing and shook his finger to simultaneously let me know that I should go that direction AND that I was dismissed. As he pointed he turned his body towards this new silver haired customer and lavished on him his stumpy fingered ministrations. That damned customer either whispered "Tubalcaine" in his ear or I was just discriminated against on the basis of age. Fuck it, I found the fans with the pointing. Good enough. I want to check out. Eureka! A line with only one customer in it! And they are almost finished! I can finally get out of here! My cart is unloaded. I've browsed the impulse items. My line's not moving yet. I turn to see what all the kufuffle is about only to realize that I have been foiled again. Once more a victim of an elderly shopper. The lady in front of me, who's only buying three items, has decided to argue with the cashier that the clearly marked $5.99 cent metal garden flower is not worth $5.99. She believes that the one that spins in the wind is worth $5.99 but the one that doesn't spin (although clearly made of superior materials) is only worth $3.99. She actually haggled for 25 minutes. 25 MINUTES!!!! I WAS IN LINE FOR 25 MINUTES before anyone started ringing up my stuff. I had already put my stuff on the belt and the cashier had pulled my cart up. I was stuck there. She insisted it had been priced wrong. I've run out of anger now. This blog is fading fast. I'm watching The Three Amigos and they are asking a giant singing bush if it's "the singing bush" so I don't have any steam left. Let me just finish up by saying this: May the extra years afforded you by modern medical technology pass slowly, painfully, and with much sadness.

If you aren't an incosiderate old person who thinks that the world owes you it's patience but you owe none to the world this blog isn't about you. But fuck you anyway.

-KMB