Words of the week 10.1.07

This week I am going to post definitions for three words. I think people just don't seem to know that they confuse these words all the time. I was watching Mythbusters and they were removing a cast from somebody's arm and having a hard time with it. Somebody said "Wouldn't it be bad if you broke your arm trying to get it out of a cast?" to which the other person replied "That would be ironic!" I thought "No, I don't think so. I should check!" and this post was born. It would appear that I am guilty of mixing these words up myself but I assure you that in every instance I was being purely ironic.

Irony: an implied discrepancy between what is said and what is meant.
1. verbal irony is when an author says one thing and means something else.
2. dramatic irony is when an audience perceives something that a character in the literature does not know.
3. irony of situation is a discrepency between the expected result and actual results.

Sarcasm: the sneering, jesting, or mocking of a person, situation or thing.
1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.
2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark: a review full of sarcasms.

Coincidence: the noteworthy alignment of two or more events or circumstances without obvious causal connection.
1. a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by mere chance.
2. the condition or fact of coinciding.
3. an instance of this.

Terciary Word Of The Week

HALOthritis: n.

a condition causing the suffer to succumb to an overwhelming desire to call in sick for work/school in order to play HALO 3.

Secondary Word Of The Week

autopwnicide

1. the act of pwning oneself

example: This man (picture above) stole a laptop and later when posting pictures of himself to flickr he forgot to change the previously saved username and password information for the person he had stolen the laptop from. Subsequently there are now pictures of him on the flickr account of the victim, who is making sure as many people see it as possible. I'm just doing my part to help out. I have no ill will towards him on the basis that he is a thief. Who cares. He is an idiot, though, and as such should be punished.

Word Of The Week 9.24.07

Autodidact: n.

a person who has learned a subject without the benefit of a teacher or formal education; a self-taught person.

Hey Look! Alice Shannon of Soldotna Alaska is an Idiot!

This is what happens when you educate people just enough to be literate but not quite enough to grasp the underlying principle freedoms and protections clearly laid out in the Bill Of Rights and Constitution Of the United States Of America. Alice Shannon of Soldotna Alaska, this is your 15 minutes of fame. Aren't you glad you'll spend that 15 minutes standing slackjawed, breathing through your mouth, with your hillrod showing?

While researching this I found a post somewhere stating that this Alice Shannon only copied this rant from the blog of a woman named Gloria "Wendy" Ray of Aiken, South Carolina. Now, Alice (nom de plume, no doubt) may have meant this ironically but it makes no difference because Gloria "Wendy" Ray did not. So switch the names around as you wish. At least the South Carolina connection makes it more plausible. It has been my experience that, with the exception of pockets of holdout communities like Morrison/Streans County MN, people generally get stupider, in the United States, as you move South.

Some places are just more fun than others.

I live in OH. It's nice here. Nicer than MN by far. But I miss MN because I was there for 10 years. I have friends there. So having friends in hell or being lonely in paradise... which is better?

Depravity Vs. Malevolence

Is depraved indifference less horrible than actual malice? Could it be worse? Logically, malice would be worse than indifference, right?

Which of these two stories bothers you more?

Depraved Indifference

Malevolence

Interesting twist? Does our respect for animals equal our respect for fellow mankind?

On a seperate but similar note:
I've been disturbed by many things recently (it's not uncommon.. i'm pretty distrubed in general) but a couple of things have been weighing on me. I'm not a vegetarian. I feel anyone who tries to convince me that humans were meant to be vegetarian is a Dukakis hugging moon-maiden. On the other hand I don't want animals to be abused or mistreated. Unfortunately the only way to make sure that the animal products I consume come from animals which are treated humanely is to pay a %20 to %300 premium on the price of said products. I can't do that. I just can't. So what do I do? I don't know. I could become a vegan but I don't think that's for me. I've seen what kind of unduly pious self-righteous hypocritical politically correct illogical alarmist bandwagoneer a vitamin B12 deficiency makes you. I wish I could raise my own chow. If I were a farmer my cows would never see it coming. They'd come in the barn for a sleep and wake up dead or something. I don't know. There has to be a better way to make animals into food than have some hillbilly factory worker pitching live chickens overhand at bins or running through a turkey barn swinging a pipe and shoveling up the ones that get knocked out. Animal testing bugs me too. Do you guys have any idea how much good has come from animal testing? A lot. The ends, however, don't justify the means. Do we really need to be cutting into cat's brains while they are still alive and awake to further research? Growing ears on mice? Making Monkey's watch MTV? Torturing animals is really hard to justify. Were they bad animals? Did these test dogs steal bisquits or poop in no-poop zones? This blog is getting a little long. I didn't really have a point when I started (like normal) and although the anger and frustration is still fresh inside me I just don't have enough energy to keep bitching about it today. In fact I'm thinking of giving up blogging altogether. I don't have the time to research anything or blog about anything truly worthwhile. A joke post here, a funny video there, every once in a while a political or social rant to make myself feel like I've got something to say. It's boring. It's boring to do and it's boring to read.

What if the business world were more like the internet?

You've all seen these videos already. They are funny. They won't change your life but if you are learned in the art of commenting on the internet you will recognize all the elements herein.




I am actually posting these here because I would prefer this to the bureaucratic bullshit present in business meetings I've attended.

Great Dialog...

Writer, George Lucas is not. But...when taken out of context can be downright hilarious...Whackly and I have laughed over these lines many times over.

Word Of The Week (becaue word of the day is so cliche)

cat in a bathtub: n.

1. A lovemaking maneuver requiring participant a to insert, with great difficulty, his testicles into the anus of participant b. The move is named for the great difficulty of insertion. The subsequent removal of the testicals, if well timed to coincide with orgasm, results in a "Booyah" which is named for the triumphant cry that follows such an accomplishment.

Word of the day 9.17.07

Dystopia: n.
1. An "imaginary" existence filled with dehumaniation, paranoia, and fear.
2. The opposite of utopia.
3. The United States Of America (and a bunch of other places around the world that are worse off but aren't, in fact, where I live and are therefore less important to me).

Word Of The Weekend (For Sat & Sun)

Obtuse: adj.
1. not quick or alert in perception, feeling, or intellect; not sensitive or observant; dull.
2. not sharp, acute, or pointed; blunt in form.
3. (of a leaf, petal, etc.) rounded at the extremity.
4. indistinctly felt or perceived, as pain or sound.

Real Gangsta Ass N***** Don't Flex Nuts

'Cause Real Gangsta Ass N***** Know They Got'em

Word of the day.

Ginger-Minge: nope... not gonna do it. I need to find another word.

Ouroboros: n. A mythical symbol depicting a serpent devouring its own tail in an infinite closed loop.

Rev. Lennox Yearwood just wanted to watch Petraeus' Testimony

Allegedly he had waited in line with a horde of other people who were permitted entry and was denied entry when officers noticed a butten he wore which said "I Love The People Of Iraq." He has a history of protest and a few arrests resulting from it so perhaps they had singled him out as a trouble maker.  Right before him they allowed a kid with a huge backpack to enter without a problem so I'm fairly certain they can't say they thought he was carrying a bomb. In the video the police threaten him with arrest but refuse to answer him when he asks repeatedly why he would be arrested. Finally he gives up and attempts to walk away. An officer grabs his shoulders causing him to flinch and then it's all over. The Reverend (unconfirmed) seems to have suffered some broken bones after finding himself on the bottom of a security dogpile. What does it all mean? I don't know but do me, and the whole world, a favor and ask yourself if you are OK with this. If the answer is no then go to step two. Do something about it. Say something. Be outspoken. And get off your apathetic ass and VOTE! VOTE EVERY TIME!

Balls of Fury...

Of course the critics don't like this movie, but I thought it had enough laughs to make it worth my 10 bucks. Plus, it has the great Christopher Walken...I mean, seriously, give me MORE Cowbell. In homage to the great CW, here's the funniest sketch I've seen on SNL.

Homeopathy is to Medicine as Astrology is to Astronomy

Ars Technica became one of my favorite websites today.

Bill Nye was already a favorite person of mine.

The Committee for Skeptical Inquiry will keep going strong without you but you'll be better off if you join.

Mankind's Legacy

Since I'm certian, by the direction the entire world seems to be moving, that mankind is beginning the downward sprial that ends in our extinction I have often wondered which of our creations is worth saving. When a new race of beings evolved from cockroaches uncovers our cities while toiling in their underground sugar mines what would would I like them to find and remember us by? What is mankind's single greatest achievment or creation? Mastery of the atom? Space travel? Antibiotics? Clones?

Most of mankinds most significant steps can be traced back to individual people. Oppenheimer, Einstien, Darwin, Gautama, Jesus... those are just a few... and just the men. Women have contributed themselves... and in ways you've never heard of. Actress Hedy Lamarr's patent of a method of unblockable/untappable radio communication in the 1940s serves as a good, albeit meager, example.

I have my short list but I don't want to set the tone. I'd like to know what other people think. What accomplishment would you like aliens, Victorian time travellers with a steam powered flux capacitor, or the occupants of the horrible Planet Of The Apes* to find in the future and remember our extinct society for?

* It was Earth

This is a great example...

A lot of people don't understand why I mistrust police so much. This video is a great example. I've lived this scenario. In fact it's been worse a few times because, unlike this kid, I didn't have a video camera in my car and so I didn't do what he did. He just played along and let the office act like a retard. Smart move but harder to do when you don't have videotaped proof.

This happened in St. George, MO. Happens every day elsewhere. If you are under 25 and male or a minority of any age or gender this is what you have to look forward to when the blue and whites start spinning behind you.

Yes there are good cops out there. I know a few, actually. In fact the majority of them are probably good cops. However, good cops aren't the ones likely to pull me over. When I've been pulled over by a good cop it's because I was speeding (and that has happened more times than I'd like to admit) but EVERY other time it was a ex-high school jock/bully in a dick rage who was decided I was trouble for the color of my car, my age, my hat, or whatever it was that made him think "I don't care if he hasn't broken the law. He looks like the sort of person I don't like so I'm going to buttfuck his whole day."

Nerdlinger...

Is my favorite Homerism. Now I know why...

You Heard It Here First

Things I learded tuday from TV

1. G4 is like a butt beaming robot.
2. The kid in the Clorox Commercial plays with his poopies in the toilet.
3. The Daily Show has increasingly more credibility than any so-called legitimate news.

Breaking: Iran attacks U.S. soil on 9.14.07

Or, at least, that's what they'll want you to believe...

Fucking Women! .... well... men too.. but DAMN!

Why can't you people get to the god damned point? I don't want explainations. I don't want extrapolations. I want facts. I don't care about most of the details. I want the bottom line.

If my wife says to me "Whackly, I was thinking Lil' Whackly is getting a little older now and he's been doing well with this and that so I was thinking it might be time for us to consider getting _______." I want to just roll over and die.

Why not say "I want to buy a. ________ and it costs b. _________." If I want to know why I will ask. Isn't that reasonable?

Let's say, because it's plausible to the point of being probable, that a trip for my wife and son to her hometown has rendered us temporarily flat broke. Like, just barely making the bills this month broke. Of course that would be the time that the car begins to break down, right? And then, because being fucked by life only comes in two flavors ("not being fucked at all" and "unlubricated multiple penetration"), my wife's employer screws up her paycheck and shorts her. That would be the soft of thing that makes me mad. The rest of that shit.. well it is what it is... but we don't go to work every day to NOT GET PAID. So I assign my wife to finding out when she will get the money. That is my only concern. Will the money come in time? She makes calls, has meetings, does whatever. I come home and ask for a report. Let's just say, as a hypothetical reality, that the report goes something like this. "Wul, [I think it's supposed to mean "well" but any sentence that starts this way is only leading to anger] they said they'd send in for a special check and that it would probably be approved tomorrow. Then they will send it."

I say "When will it get here?"

She says "Wul, [I'd like to interject to say I absolutely HATE the "Wul Defense"] I don't know. Sometime next week."

"Will it be direct deposit or an actual check?"

"I don't know."

"Our bank is in MN and we live in OH. We would have to mail it. That IS relevant. Did you ask?"

"No."


Ok... let's regroup and get this straight. Meetings, phone calls, recon, and a whole 8-piece bucket of bullshit and we are no closer to an answer? Why do I bother? I might be looking at taking loan out of my 401k to get us through this (dude.. the 401k website says it's all real fast and painless and you'll have the money in a couple of days but after you click on all the shit you have to click on they tell you they'll mail you an application and once they've recieved it your request will take about 2 weeks to process and THEN you'll have your money in days. ... wtf). I might be completely freaking out! I might be considering that we'll have to call and get copies of credit cards we've cut up and have been paying off and charge the fucker back up to keep from going ass up. And who knows. I could be out of a job at any moment! [My Company] enters into a deal with [witheld]. OH is going to [witheld]. We're all told "[witheld] will want to keep all of our OH employees." Yeah, I've heard that shit before. They we all have to take insider trading and insider information courses so the company can cover their ass legally but they never trust us with any information we can use anyhow. I have to find out what's happening in my own fucking company from the front page at Digg.com. If I ask about what I read at Digg.com or Xohm.com they don't answer my questions. I've made changed to my 401k witholding percentage MONTHS ago but every paycheck they still deduct the old amount. Every two weeks I email the dude in HR and he forwards the email to somebody in corporate and copies me and I hear nothing.

We are not allowed to get overtime. I'm still on call and there are still only three of us to do the same amount of work that other markets have (not kidding) 6 people to do but I can't get overtime. It used to be that if I was called out in the middle of the night it was recorded seperately from my regualr 40 hours. Now it's all the same thing so I'm working all kinds of retarded hours and I'm tired all the time. Tuesday I got called to work at 5:45. I worked until 7:30pm. Today I started work at 9 and got home at 6. I have to leave here again at 12:30 AM and work until 6AM or so. Then I'm still on call and shit. But I don't have a lot of hours left. I have to pretty much excuse myself from doing any regular work because if I do get called out in the middle of the night and end up getting overtime I'd probably damn near get fired. My boss would get fired, anyway. What happens if I don't get called out? Well I'll have to turn in a paycheck with less than 40 hours on it. I can't claim to have worked hours I didn't work, especially when all of us have to accound for every minute of every day in a handly little micro-managing spreadsheet. I haven't slept properly in a month. I am just damned pissed off. That just makes it harded when I do something like... say.... call home ask my wife to go to Target because we are out of milk and I don't want to stop on my way home I just want to come home and breath slowly on the couch for 5 minutes. Like today, when I'm tired all day and I'm on my way home and I see an email that there's a problem at a site. They didn't even call me. They called the other tech. I could have gone home and pretended I didn't see the email. But companies expect employees to be loyal and ethical (even when they are decietful and crooked in return) and like the dutiful dumb-ass sap that I am I veer off the road home and head off to yet another lesson in corporate stupidity (I really want to talk about my wife not going to Target but I have to put this in somewhere. Our cabinets have airconditioning/heating units to keep our equipment at the right temperature. Our NIC, which are the people who handle parts and supplies and shit, will not send us backups or spares of these units. They insist we call these people who troubleshoot with us, or at least they are supposed to. In my experience you call them and they say "OK... what site is it at? We'll have it serviced or send a replacement. We'll call you tomorrow with more info." Great. They'll call us tomorrow. Meanwhile I have a site with no AC in 90 degree heat with 80 percent humidity and all the equip will be cooked. Until that AC unit is fixed that time is counting against us too. It counts against ME that there is a site having an issue. If I had a spare airconditioning unit it would have been fixed in 30 minutes but because they won't let us have spares I have to take the hit for the 3 or 4 days it's going to take for the process they elected to use takes to be completed. We can even take the hit on stuff we have nothing to do with. If the people in the network operations center send us an email that they are doing an upgrade we can't say no to it. If they hose the upgrad, as they have done, and bring down a bunch of sites for a while we get in trouble for it. Our downtime is affected and our operations people get yelled at during the quarterly operations review.)

She says no and I can accept that. She's as tired as I am. But then she uses the car as an excuse. She doesn't want to go to Target because she's afraid the car will stall. Bad move. If the car is going to break down I'd rather have it happen on a Tuesday night AFTER work when I can do something about it than on a Wenesday morning when she's on her way to work and I have crazy important underpaid fucked in the butt technical jackassery to attend to. I told her that. If she didn't want to go she could say "No. I don't want to go. I'm tired." Instead, however, she feels she needs to sell me on the idea. She needs to convince me that it's OK for her not to go and in doing so takes a shit right into a 90 mph straight line wind. Nobody sells me shit. Nobody. Just give it to me straight and if I can't take it that's my problem. Especially when even God himself seeks to prove me right. Guess when the car broke down. JUST FUCKING GUESS!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I
am
so
fucking
Pissed
Off
RIGHT
NOW!

I FUCKING HATE MY GOD DAMNED JOB! No... I HATE THE COMPANY I WORK FOR. I wanted to work for this company. I never thought, in a million years, I could see one company contradict itself in so many ways. Every company has a credo or a set of "core values" and everyone knows it's bullshit. Everyone knows that an employer has only as much loyalty to an employee as it can fit behind the bottom line and yet expects some kind of warm and fuzzy brainwashed obedience in return. My employer is like that. They all are. The problem is my employer has a good technology. One that it ruins with ridiculous sales people, retarded marketing, and a complete clusterfuck of crippled bureaucracy. Retards humping doorknobs are more efficient. They are probably more considerate of ther other people involved in the effort as well.

I moved to OH with a clear understanding that it was a stepping stone to someplace else (like Chicago) where I want to live. That's gone. It's just not going to happen. [witheld] is getting that too. [witheld] is already building Chicago. So I either stay here and work for [witheld] in OH if by some complete cosmic oddity the "[witheld] is going to keep everyone" bullshit is acutally true or I have to find somewhere to go within the company I'm with. Great. Being between a rock and a hard place is better. I'm still recovering, financially, from moving here. Now I'm going to have to move again.... maybe... if I could actually get some information on where I could move. Nobody in the delicate scrim wrapped around a drying white dog terd this company has become knows a single damned thing. NOTHING. What's being built? No clue. What's coming up? It's a secret. Fuck it. You know, I hated my stupid office job with this company for all these reasons. I thought that in the field it would be better. For a while it was. Then the bullshit monster came back, but it had a bunch more heads. It's like a fucking hydra only each head is a penis not a face and it molests you in the search for one more hole to fuck you in.

P.S. If any of you, like last time, decide to say something in the comments that actually identifies my employer in some way .... I WILL KILL YOU.

Oh... I'm not kidding. You won't even see it coming. I will tiptoe my fat ass up behind you so sweetly that even the wind will feel like it's being ticked. There will, however, be no tickling.
Have you ever had a dream where you woke up in the middle of the night suddenly and there was someone standing over your bed in shadowy profile with only his contemptuous sneer and Ken Onion designed Kershaw as visible detail? Oh yeah.... and I'll start with your pets first.

November!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally....In November Lucasarts is bring out Lego Star Wars the Complete Saga to the Xbox 360. And it HAS online coop play. Target has the release date as November 8. Whackly...we need to get this bad boy and put the hurt on the Empire!

Labor Day Trivia Episode III

Finally... lolcats.

The idea: Can you recaption these to make them funnier?

Also... KG totally lied about the wookie armor cat picture being his brother's cat. I've seen the unphotoshopped picture with no wookie armor written on the bag and it's older than dirt.

Labor Day Trivia Episode II

Grillin and chillin.

1. In Alton Brown's 8:3:1+1 rub ratio what ingredients correspond to the numbers in the ratio?

2. Are mequite wood chips the ideal for smoking a pork shoulder at a low temperature for more than 6 hours?

3. Brown sugar consists of what two ingredients mixed together?

4. Which should NOT be added to the fire to flavor grilled foods?
a. Alder chips
b. Fir logs
c. Corn cobs
d. Willow branches

5. Dessert: Frictional heating and blending using a conche was invented by what man?

Labor Day Trivia Episode I

Shall we branch out? Yes, we shall.
1. Dr. Orpheus' mentor, reached through the gateway in his daughter's closet, is voiced by the man who did what main character voice on Home Movies?
2. Of all the characters voiced by Patrick Warburton this is the only one I know of that is half Swedish.
3. I am an unknown (to you) semi-pervo comedic genious who creates oil paintings of women in bras and titles them "Saint #__." Which of Whackly's favorite Venture Bros. characters do I voice?
4. What is the name of the artist who created this?

5. What is the name of the company that developed the most recent Star Wars Battlefront game?

Labor Day Trivia Episode VI: Return Of The Jedi

Name that Jedi!

1. I was summoned to the Jedi Council chamber where I found Mace Windu alone. He instructed me to take my unruly teenage apprentice and secure a place on a colonization/exploratory mission outside the galaxy and ride it to the edge of the outer regions before returning. My name is ______________.

2. I am a Mirialan jedi. I served as an advisor to the Jedi Council. I trained Barriss Offee. My name is _______________.

3. Though I was corrupted and then saved my crimes lived on long after me. The Noghri who thought of me as a savior learned long after my death that I was, in fact, no their savior but their oppressor. I am ________________.

4. As a General I defended Kamino against the Seperatists. I was trusted by and ultimately decieved by the traitor Palpatine as part of his inner circle of advisors. Masters Roron Corobb and Foul Moudama died as the three of us attempted to save Chancellor Palpatine from Seperatist General Grievous. I am ________.

5. I killed Dark Jedi Jerec and freed the spirits trapped in the Valley Of The Jedi. My name is ___________.

Labor Day Trivia Episode V

Futurama Edition

1. New Futurama drops November of what year?
a. 2007
b. 2008
c. 2009

2. The professor says "Yes, we miss our loved ones and gasses." in response to a lament from which character?
a. Philip J. Fry
b. Turanga Leela
c. Hermes Conrad
d. Amy Wong

3. According to MOM's opinion Fry's attempt at a ___________ from the ship window is not very good.
a. Burp
b. Blast Fax
c. Septuple Headspin
d. Pressed Ham

4. The setting of her calendar to what mode depresses Amy Wong?
a. Adult Mode
b. Committment Mode
c. Motherhood Mode
d. Frugality Mode

5. "Fascinating captain, and logical too..." was spoken by what character?
a. Leonard Nimoy
b. Spock
c. Welshie
d. Melllvar

Labor Day Trivia Episode IV

Don't worry! There's not a single questions about labor day. In fact all of these questions are about Star Wars since Labor Day is now the day traditionally reserved for watching all 6 Star Wars movies in a row while grilling and chilling with your pals and pining for an opportunity to touch a lady's sarlaac (wouldn't you just shit if they were that scary?).

1. Who created the character Grand Admiral Thrawn?
a. George Lucas
b. Timothy Zahn
c. Harold Lloyd
d. Pheylan Cavanaugh

2. Which was corrupted by the dark side?
a. Jorus C'Baoth
b. Mara Jade
c. Kit Fisto
d. Luke Skywalker

3. Assuming and absense of ysalamiri which cloning method is the best?
a. Spaarti
b. Kaminoan

4. Which of three differs from the other tow in opinion towards how to handle the Yuuzhan Vong?
a. Kyp Durron
b. Jacen Solo
c. Corran Horn

5. The people who gave the Sith name to the cult of dark Jedi originated on what planet?
a. Orto
b. Neimoidia
c. Duro
d. Korriban