People of Boston:

You are fucking retarded. There is no other explanation for this bomb scare fiasco. The best part is that it's all on film. The people who put up these magnetic LED ads actually put the video of their work on Youtube! The whole world can see that your city went into Blackwatch Plaid (Super Pee Pants) terror alert over some lights in the shape of a cartoon character. First of all, when was the last time Al-Queda actually put lights all over a bomb? Can anyone tell me the why a bomber would light his bomb up like a Christmas Tree? Fuck the lights.. why would a bomber bother be putting a cartoon (especially one that's flipping the bird) on a bomb at all!? He wouldn't! For CHRISSAKES!

In other news:

Some kid is serving 10 years (no parole) and will be permanently registered as a sex offender because an aquaintence voluntarily (2 years his junior-he was 17 and she was 15) gave him a B.J. at a New Year's Eve party. She didn't even swallow.

A substitute teacher is convicted and faces 40 years because a school computer she was using for a presentation in a computer lab hadn't been properly updated or secured by the school's IT personnel and was thoroughly infested with spyware, subsequently causing a Porn Storm of pop-up ads to display pornographic material to the children. It was completely not her fault but the D.A., Judge, and Jury didn't understand the technology and the computer forensics evidence and testimony that completely clears her was suppressed. Mmm Hmm.

This Shit is TRUE! I swear! It IS!

China's military is harvesting body parts for transplant from unwilling prison inmates (the 2nd link is from 2001 and now it's been confirmed so they've been doing this for years and getting away with it by simply denying it)! Not to mention the fact that they are killing Tibetans in the mountains as they make pilgrimages to India to see the Dali Lama.

Germany, and a few other EU countries, have issued arrest warrants for American CIA agents for carrying out Extraordinary Renditions in their countries and on their citizens without permission. Actually you can't carry out an extraordinary rendition without permission. If you do it's actually called kidnapping.

The United States dropped flyers from airplanes over Pakistan offering cash rewards to anyone who turned in a terrorist. I can't imagine why the US Gov has so many prisoners against which they have no evidence. //Sarcasm Fucking witchunt for profit. Also, Pakistan arrests kite flyers.

Scientologists are actually allowed to claim that Scientology is a religion!

This is just a fraction of the fucked up shit that has been happening in the world. And yet, somehow, more retarded than all of that is the fact that Bostonians will completely shit their pants with fear if they see a GOD DAMNED LITE-BRITE!!!!

They Made Us Switch

To the new blogger. I guess Blogger Beta isn't beta anymore... Progress is wonderful....isn't it??!??!?!?!!?!

Belgar of the real people.

I was just reading an article on Digg.com about a boy who killed himself after coming out to his mother.

A user named jhubsch made this comment:

"Amen to this.
Lv 20:13
The kid just did himself a favor."

Another user named belgar responded with this triumphant blow:

"Dear jhubsch,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 20:13 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
//asshat"

Something Dirty recalls reading that before and thinks belgar has stolen it. Possible. I don't really care. It's still awesome and I'm stealing it from him so who am I to judge?

Simple Solutions are the best!

As much as I disagree with this man's assertion I think he has found the absolute best way a middle age man with poor taste in shorts can combat homophobia. Also, why does the guy on the left (with the sign) look so unhappy? He's doing a poor job of selling. I mean, if you're going to be telling people they need Jesus you really should be selling with a smile. Maybe some spirit fingers. You know, gay it up a bit!

No, the pus wasn't quite nasty enough.

Man, I'm hungry.

William Hung Look OUT...

Here is the reason why they were football players and not singers...but in any case, I am posting The Superbowl Shuffle that was done during the '85 Bears Superbowl Season to commemorate the current '06 Bears run to Miami! One more game guys!!!!

Caution: Disgusting

There is one universal truth shown here that extends beyond gross-out pus videos. Don't hire a chick to be your director of photography.

Give Me 23 Litres of Petrol Post Haste...

I saw this story about a guy trying to make a comeback in NASCAR. Comeback stories in sports...nothing new or exciting about that it happens all the time...athletes trying to reclaim their former glory...but this guy is 72 years old!

I have nothing against old people, but isn't he going to be a hazard on the road when he's driving 35 MPH in the fast lane, with his blinker on...and his wife nagging him to pull over and ask for directions? He'll probably shirk the standard jumpsuit for some hiked up white pants and a terry cloth shirt.

Passive Agressive?

I read this article on Digg today. Not long after, a coworker sent a link to it via instant messenger. He, of course, hastily confimed that this blog doesn't count and the article doesn't apply but...... I wonder. This all happened only moments ago. We're still discussing it on IM.

This is a cool you can never be.

No shit with your Turkey T-shirt

Dirty Dirty Minds

So there's a town in Austria named "Fucking." That's funny by itself. But if you take a sign from a town and couple it with a sign picturing children that says "Not so fast!" there exists the potential for a dirty multilingual double entendre. Is it funny? You tell me. I'm kinda thinking that the double entendre doesn't work because it's in two different languages since "Fucking" (pronounced Foo-king) does not mean the same thing in German that it does in English. But, if the whole thing is translated into English, I guess, the pedophile joke is there.... it's there.... but is it funny? I'm conflicted. As a parent I'm never really sure if stuff like that is funny or not. I guess, if you have to ask yourself it problably isn't.

Spongebob's swearing episode used to be my favorite.

Can anyone explain to me why I find this so funny?

OK......proof they exist.

You know, when I say that EVERY time I speak with a customer on the phone who claims to be an expert they end up being an idiot I'm serious. EVERY time. People who really know what they're talking about
1. don't bring it up to bully you into taking them serious or
2. think their own equipment is perfect.
Most of the time, when a customer says "I know what I'm talking about. I'm a network admin!" to me it's because I'm telling them the problem has nothing to do with us. They don't believe me and want me to know that they are an expert so I'll reconsider. Real experts don't do that. If they disagree they just explain why they disagree what evidence helped them form that opinion. Real experts are a breeze to work with.

Judy Patch is not a real expert. People like her are what I'm up against every day. The problem is these retards very often do work as network admins. These dumb fucks tooks a course or got a certification and some idiotic HR director, with no technical knowledge, hired them. These are the fucking dumb fucks that beat people like me out for jobs.

People like Denise. OMG... remember Denise? How she ever made John think she knew what she was talking about is beyond me. He's a pretty sharp cat and her veil of competancy was thin, weak, and easily penetrated. This could be Denise's website. Maybe she changed her name. Denise had more than a certification. I think she had a degree from Rasmussen. I'm pretty sure that's where it was from. Personally, after knowing Denise I have to consciously stop my eyes from rolling every time somebody tells me they have a degree from Rasmussen.

Should I just stop complaining and get a degree? No. These companies that are stupid enough to hire a complete retards with a degree instead of an expert without on are not places I want to work. If an employer is smart enough to ask, or test me, I'll show them what I know. Hopefully I'll impress them.

This whole thing is just me ranting pointlessly. Started with customers, then on to some random shitbrick ex-coworker. Oh well. Click the link. Read it. If you can find a mistake in every sentence then, congratulations, you are an expert in computers and grammar. If you can't find any mistakes at all, kill yourself.

For $200 You Can Too!

For $200 you can fire one of these bad boys while you're on vacation in Cambodia. I'm goin'. Who's with me?

John Sununu..... WTF!!!! :)

Is this possible? A pro-consumer libertarian minded republican who doesn't bow to the whim of the corporate overlords? I might have to do some reading on Mr. Sununu after having seen an article on ars technica concerning his attempts to combat the broadcast flag at the FCC level.

Calling it!

 Last week when I heard that Bush had replaced General Abizaid and his cohorts, and done a HUGE personnel shuffle (and did so on a day where the news was all about the swearing in of the new members of congress to keep it quiet) my first thought was "This is the first step in setting these poor people up as scapegoats for the failure of the Iraq war."   I still think I'm right.  So I'm letting y'all know.  I'm calling it!

The Irony

In the past we've taken mediocre mp3 players and cameras and crammed them into a cell phone.

However, Apple thinks differently. This "different thinking" might be a direct linear progression of their current product line but rest assured some zealous fanboy will tell you its revolutionary. If you like low bitrate music, crappily delivered through earbuds that make Beethoven sound like bee-barf and the tiny hairs in your ears die then you'll THRILL to Apple's newest product.

They've broken protocol and decided that, rather than add a crappy mp3 player to a phone, they would (get this... it's brilliant) add a phone and a camera to a mediocre mp3 player! Brilliant!  Behold! The creatively named iPhone!!!!

Come on, Toshi!

Respecting the classics

Prepare to touch yourself!

Funnier than the catz? You tell me.

picture from itsalion.wordpress.com (click on it)!

I tried.

I looked through every picture I've got of people, cats, insects, stuffed animals.. nearly everything I have. I didn't find anything to use for a "Surprise Buttsecks" picture. So I just punched it into google instead. Here are some of my favorites from a Google Image Search of "buttsecks" and a hilarious dig on Verizon at the end.

Haulidaze!

Bananas, corn field, little blue tree.