Belgar of the real people.
I was just reading an article on Digg.com about a boy who killed himself after coming out to his mother.
A user named jhubsch made this comment:
"Amen to this.
Lv 20:13
The kid just did himself a favor."
Another user named belgar responded with this triumphant blow:
"Dear jhubsch,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 20:13 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.
a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?
i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
//asshat"
Something Dirty recalls reading that before and thinks belgar has stolen it. Possible. I don't really care. It's still awesome and I'm stealing it from him so who am I to judge?
A user named jhubsch made this comment:
"Amen to this.
Lv 20:13
The kid just did himself a favor."
Another user named belgar responded with this triumphant blow:
"Dear jhubsch,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 20:13 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.
a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?
i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
//asshat"
Something Dirty recalls reading that before and thinks belgar has stolen it. Possible. I don't really care. It's still awesome and I'm stealing it from him so who am I to judge?
Labels: FTW
posted by Unknown at 8:54 PM
6 Comments:
hahhaa, i read your first post, about the sign, with the link to digg and i copied and pasted that same thing that you put here. funny. i thought it was very interesting. good call on both posts.
LOL. Who is this Leviticus guy anyway? What a creep! I would like to know what fundamentalist's response to this would be, for realsies.
i don't think the religious right responds to real criticism. you wouldn't get a retort but what you would get is labelled a terrorist and hauled off to gitmo to have your civil and human rights raped lubelessly.
http://media.www.michigandaily.com/media/storage/paper851/news/2007/02/01/Columns/Whitney.Dibo.Oral.Arguments-2690427.shtml?sourcedomain=www.michigandaily.com&MIIHost=media.collegepublisher.com
here's some extra on Genarlow Wilson. Note the irony of the 90 day sentence for the teacher convicted around the same time for having sex with a student.
I think your missing the whole point as if it is against God to be gay, um, isn't still against God to commit suicide? I think the more productive breaking of God's laws would be for the boy to have killed his mother, even though that would have broken two laws, as well. I mean, if you're sinning, is there really a running total to it?
actually there is a running tally. it's a system of sin points designed secretly by those who wish to use the bible to their political purposes but still want to buy meth off their homosexual prostitutes
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