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Calling Mr. Orphan and Jeff the Dog!!!!

Please email me at whackly(at)teamengrishhg.com 
to get info about your spiffy new teamengrishhg.com 
email addresses.  I can even set up your new teamengrishhg.com
to auto forward to another email address.  It has webmail but
I can get you the server info if you want to set it up in say OE or
something like that.

Now This Is Just Damned Ridiculous!

As my wife and I were falling asleep on the couch laughing at Pants Off Dance Off on FUSE I had a near death experience. I suddenly felt that I was likely to die of laughter when I realized the guy stripping to Beverly Hills by Weezer was an Elvis impersonating midget wearing a jock strap. I made it through the dance and thought I was actually going to live when I realized the second dancer was a 64 year old man who was rocking the "Jazz Hands." I handed myself over to death willingly while desperately fighting not to drop a deuce in my shorts out of laughter. My post mortem mirth subsided when I realized the third dancer was a balding pudgy guy with the stink of general accountancy and a cell phone clipped to his belt while stripping. He actually took his thick giant plastic rim glasses off while he was dancing and put them in his shirt pocket. The problem was the guy was to "creepy molesterish" to be funny and all the humor in me fell away and I found myself no longer dead of laughter but just plain dead. I thought "Damn this is gonna be hard to blog about if I can't move my fingers!" and "I hope the coroner doesn't go up my ass with something cold." Luckily the next dancer was a superfine asian girl who was obviously a professional exotic dancer. I was revived. In the interst of always making sure that all my blog posts should end two sentences sooner, because the last statements really just state the punchline rather than leaving it to be discovered, I thought I would add this sentence.

Mad Scientist Clones Taylor Hanson In Womb Of Muppet

I See Dorky People

Bastard Baldwin Brother Found

Boy with Down's Syndrome made famous by Bad Wig

Dirty Dirty Gizmag

"Attachments" not included.

The Man Replacement conspiracy begins.

I am too a man! I go pee pee standing up!

Orgazmotron.

New "InstaTramp (c)" available only at Kinney.

Analysts suspect in a few months every man in China will smell like something that came out of a cologne bottle shaped like a car.

Finally a designer thinking about things that matter.

If somebody's not already doing this I'm pissed.

OMG TARGET! O... M... G...!!!!!!!!!!!

So I'm flipping through the latest back to school mailing from Target looking for deals on... I dunno... whatever. I'm seeing backpacks, socks, toys... the basic crap I don't care about. I was half paying attention and set the flyer down. I was talking with mezzo on the phone when I noticed the page the flyer was open to. Above is the advertisement from that page. I mean Julio Iglesias Christ you'd think somebody would have stopped that from getting printed. LOL... That is just fucking wrong. OMG HAHAHAHA!

Quote of the Day.

"I would also ask the President why we're paying for two 'Ethics Advisors' and a 'Director of Fact Checking. They must be the only people in Washington who get more vacation time than the President. Maybe the White House could consolidate these positions into a Director of Irony." Illinois Rep. Rahm Emanuel

I have some suggestions for other new administrative posts given the current turmoil in the world.

"Minister of rocking back and forth muttering 'Holy Shit Holy Shit Holy Shit'"
"Pending Doom Czar"
"Secretary of pretending we had nothing to so with the fact that WW3 is about to kill us all."
"Director of obfuscation and scapegoating."

Hodgepodge Thursday

Nice to see that Michael Knight has a sense of humor about his name. Fortunate for him his name isn't fingerpoopenhole.

Lisa Simpson...in 3D...showing off the skivies. Something that belongs on a voyeur website just becomes hilarious cause it's Lisa Simpson.

Flippin Sweet!!!!

The town of Preston Idaho has the right idea. What happens when a town in the middle of nowhere is suddenly vaulted into pop culture due to it's use in a cult classic movie? Capitalize on it with a capital 'C'. According to this article, Preston Idaho has become a tourist destination for many Napoleon Dynamite fans all over the world. They even have a Napoleon Dynamite Festival where contestants can compete in events such as moon boot dancing and spirit hands shows.

Calm down and make yourself a quesadilla...and head to Preston. LUCKY!!!!

Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VIII FQ-400, you make my gaming life complete.

Project Gotham Racing 3 was an incredible launch title for the Xbox 360 and I was fortunate enough to have been given a copy by my wife's best friends when I first got my 360. Usually great games in the racing genre are quickly eclipsed by new games with new cars. All racing games are getting to be pretty much the same.

There are two schools now, the sims and the arcades, and within those two categories you'd often be hard pressed to tell which game you are playing if it weren't for the gimmicky crap they throw in to make the arcade racers unique. In the sim racer category it's even harder to tell. Except for the raw graphics you'd be hard pressed to tell the difference between a Grand Tourismo title and a Forza title.

So what do you do if you're game is an awesome arcade style racer with near sim-level controls and amazing graphics? Well you sell a whole shit load of games is what you do. But how do you keep selling? How do you keep people playing? Well, Xbox Live of course. Tournaments for real prizes, online play, ovservation capability that looks damned near like you're watching a race on speed network except there aren't breaks every seven minutes to plug the latest dvd release from Larry the Cable Guy.

Most important to me, though, are the game updates. Some are free, some you pay for, but all are worthwhile. Cadillac sponsored a Caddy pack which had some decent cars in it for free but for a couple of bucks I also picked up the Speed Pack which included a number of incredible cars such as the Viper SRT-10 Coupe, the RUF RT-12, and the Nissan NISMO R34GT-R Z-Tune. But, eclipsing all those in shear driving thrill (both in the game and in real life) there was this:

The Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VIII FQ-400. Don't let its understated "late model honda with a cheap sport kit on donuts" styling fool you. This affordable family car outperforms the Lamborghini Murcielago 6.3 on the fabled Nürburgring Nordschleife. I haven't tested this in the gaming environment but I did see it proven on TLC. It leaves corners like sprung rubber band and is nearly impossible to throw out of control.

It's lack of drifting ability and normal (very wide) high speed turning radius make it a car that takes some learning to drive. No matter how fast you are going, no matter how hard you crank the wheel this car will not power over. Sometimes, like when powersliding, you want to lose control (If you want to learn why go see the movie Cars). It might sqeak a tire or two. It might slide a little but I am convinced that there are invisible rails programmed into the racetracks that allow the wise driver to dart through every turn like a coked up cat chasing a 3 legged shrew on a unicycle. It's amazing.

P.S. Why the fuck is this still up?

Figures...

Ken Lay, founder of Enron died today of an apparent heart attack. He was to be sentenced in the Enron Scandal this Fall after being convicted earlier this year. I swear, some people will do ANYTHING to stay out of jail. He probably had his coronary after hearing he wouldn't be going to one of those country club prisons, but a full grab your ankles and drop the soap penitrate-in-booty-pen.

As a former Arthur Andersen Employee Affected by his run of the crook operation, Ken you were a bad bad man, and finally karma got you.

Yay America.

Bwahahahahahaha... wheeeeeeez... hahahahahahahahahaha...