Now This Is Just Damned Ridiculous!

As my wife and I were falling asleep on the couch laughing at Pants Off Dance Off on FUSE I had a near death experience. I suddenly felt that I was likely to die of laughter when I realized the guy stripping to Beverly Hills by Weezer was an Elvis impersonating midget wearing a jock strap. I made it through the dance and thought I was actually going to live when I realized the second dancer was a 64 year old man who was rocking the "Jazz Hands." I handed myself over to death willingly while desperately fighting not to drop a deuce in my shorts out of laughter. My post mortem mirth subsided when I realized the third dancer was a balding pudgy guy with the stink of general accountancy and a cell phone clipped to his belt while stripping. He actually took his thick giant plastic rim glasses off while he was dancing and put them in his shirt pocket. The problem was the guy was to "creepy molesterish" to be funny and all the humor in me fell away and I found myself no longer dead of laughter but just plain dead. I thought "Damn this is gonna be hard to blog about if I can't move my fingers!" and "I hope the coroner doesn't go up my ass with something cold." Luckily the next dancer was a superfine asian girl who was obviously a professional exotic dancer. I was revived. In the interst of always making sure that all my blog posts should end two sentences sooner, because the last statements really just state the punchline rather than leaving it to be discovered, I thought I would add this sentence.