Don't Cry, Emo Kid!

It happened in 1957 as an anomaly but since then...

Unfortunately, due to global warming, it's happening every year. You'd think a bumper crop every year is a good thing, and for the farmers themselves it is, however due to the extrememly precise nature and uniformity of the plant the data over the last 95 years of cultivation clearly shows that the rise in overal temperature is not only happening quickly but is accelerated by the actions of man.

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups Redux

If you are a child of the 80's you will know what I'm talking about. If you don't...then damn, I feel old.

Contest: Spot The Bullshit

I'm ashamed to say I was recently sent an email forward containing the text below by a "friend" (former coworker). It's not exactly hard to pick apart. Anybody with two neurons to rub together could detroy it utterly with a few verbal backflips. However, doing it in a clever or funny way could be difficult. I thought some of you might want to have a stab at it. Take a moment to tell the author of this tripe what you think.... and please... be brusque.

"Proud To Be White Someone finally said it. How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. ...And then there are just - Americans. You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You Call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman," ... And that's OK. But when I call you Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink ... You call me a racist. You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live? You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi. You Have Yom Hashoah. You have the NAACP. And you have BET. If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) ... We'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day ... You would call us racists. If we had White History Month... We'd be racists. If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" OUR lives . ... We'd be racists. We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that? If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships ... You know we'd be racists.There are over 60 openly-proclaimed Black-only Colleges in the US , yet if there were "White-only Colleges" ... THAT would be a racist college. In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, ... You would call us racists. You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride ... You call us racists. You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer who is running from the LAW and posing a threat to ALL of society ... You call him a racist. I am proud. ... But, you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be racists?"

Never fails to be hilarious.

I've done similar experiments (on a smaller scale) on my own on several occasions. I completely cooked Frankles' brother Ryan on a number of occasions including once, when he was on me about how my birthday meant that I was like this and that. I took out his birthday astrology book and began to read the description for Dec. 14th under the auspices that I was reading the entry for my birthday. After he nodded his way through the whole thing he began to explain to me how it detailed every bit of my personality, including things I didn't know about myself. He was frustrated and annoyed when I told him and so I agreed to read him my birthday's ACTUAL description and see how accurate it was. My birthday is in April. The second one I read was in September. Sadly (and for those of you who know him you'll understand how, seeing as he thinks he's a genius but is actually kinda dim and deficient in common sense, he could fall for it) the continued for an hour or more. Myself: constantly claiming I would knock off my attempts to make him look foolish and claiming I would, this next time, read the actually description that corresponded to the person we were discussing. Him: never waivering from the belief that the book was shining a light of infinite discovery on the personality of each person and never really catching on that, no matter how many times I said I would stop tricking him, I wasn't going to stop. LOLZ!!!! Good memories. Anyhow, from Sylvia Brown to palmistry, from tea laves to taroh... It's ALL BULLSHIT. B U L L S H I T ! If you don't think it is then I think you are stupid. Ask me about it. I will tell you. Don't expect me to back away saying "Oh no! I didn't mean YOU!" If you say to me "I didn't like that post about astrology and psychics. I've had experiences that prove that psychics are real." My response will be something along the lines of "That's a stupid thing to believe. I thought you were smarter than that." If an exchange such as that would offend you then you'd be better off not bringing it up.

If I keep watching Dexter... who knows?

I fucken told you so!

Something Dirty That Way Went

Has anyone heard from Somethingdirty? She has not been online in any way in weeks and I've misplaced her phone numbers. I think I had them stored on my sim card and not on my phone. I had to switch sim cards when I moved to OH and since then I've just been finding her in my call history when I want to call her. Now I can't find her in there and I haven't seen a blog post, an email, an instant message, or anything else to make be believe she's alive and well. I got a cryptic text message on my work cell phone around a week ago that could have been from here. Less than cryptic even. I've forgotten what it said but I remember thinking it made no sense to me at all. That text message could have been from here but I don't know.

Anyhow, somebody out there knows if she's ok or not.  I don't have any reason to think she's not except that I haven't heard from her or seen anything from her in so long.  So, even if you're someone I don't really talk to anymore who thinks I'm a big fat douche bag, please tell me she's allright if you know she's allright.

Gummi Venus De Milo...glglglgllglg

According to this article, the price of the Gummi Venus De Milo is going to go WAY up. Its time to hoard those gummi's, or invest in gummi futures, which are guaranteed NOT to be like Homer's pumpkin futures.

It seems obvious now!

I am as guilty of this as anyone.  I'm a Google lover.  I don't think that's any secret.  So much so that this issue had never really occurred to me. I have now enacted the protections 
recommended in the linked article and I think you should too. 

Preposterous???

In 18 years and counting of The Simpsons, the plotlines have become more and more unbelieveable, probably because lisa getting another pony, or bart getting another dog becomes too ordinary after so many years. The episode where Homer gets a crayon stuck in his brain as a child...pretty far fetched right? Well, I guess that actually does happen....

Comedy Gold

I realize there has been too much video lately but tonight

I missed the download link on demonoid and clicked the

ad link instead. That lead me to this. Classic.

Zen and the art of Stealing.

Cellist (among other things) Fred Katz, in 1958, conducted a track by track jazz instrumentation variation, including John Williams on the keys before he started scoring the greatest movies of all time, through covers (transformativerecreations, more like) of folk songs. The album, blending folk tunes from different traditions (African, Hebrew, American),follows a continuous line from beginning to end despite changing instrementation, musicians, and traditions between nearly every track. Something is lost to us younger folks since the songs these covers came from would be unrecognizable to our ears. Yet many of the reviews of the day said the same things. Mr. Katz was not out to make a beatnik translation of grounded folk music. He had something more lofty in mind. The songs, to Mr. Katz, were more important for the emotions they portray than for their melody. He was more concerned with the idea of the song than the song itself. Apparently he had been reading his Lao-Tsu.

Google him. Read some quotes. To my modern eyes Katz comes off kind of silly and full of shit. But this albums was from 1958. Zen platitudes didn't seems so hackney then as they do now. I could go on, for a while, about this but here's the important part.The album has been re-released. All I have are some mp3s I downloaded years ago that sound like they were captured from vinyl. They are only 96kbps and they sound like crap. I could buy the album, sure. But I want to hear it in its full glory before I decide to do so. So if anyone knows of a torrent... hook me up.

Fred Katz: Folk Songs For Far Out Folk (1958/2007)

Despair.com: Highly Recommended.

How Excellent

Door To Door Atheists Bother Mormons - Watch more free videos

Comments Fixed

The commenting system of this blog was not working correctly for a couple of days. Thanks for Metal for bringing this to my attention. In any case, the comments are now fixed.

I was looking for something else and found this....

It's excellent.

Californians are dumb.

This is actually a pretty lame prank, in the end. It falls pretty flat. But the video itself is still funny. Let me sum up why:

"A guy was like 'get off the wing! get off the wing!' and then a guy got sucked into a tube thingy cause the plane was on they said he was bad... and there was some fire stuff and they put fire things on it."