Retarded? I don't think they were smart enough to be tarded once, let alone twice!

Hi! I'm your friendly neighborhood technical service rep. My job is to fix problems with the internet service my company provides. Guess what my job f**king isn't!

1. fix your router
2. fix your Norton Internet Security
3. fix your Norton AntiVirus
4. set up your Microsoft Outlook 2003
5. give a crap that the tech blocked in your daughter's car when he was climbing the pole last week
6. listen to you whine about how you've been bounced back and forth between Dell and Microsoft for 7 hours
7. care that you don't think the problem is your computer
8. repeat myself 8 times
9. not laugh when you say "My internet keeps going down on me!"
10. tell you what you want to hear when it's not the truth
11. act like you are special
12. give a credit on service because the electricity was unplugged to your modem for a week
13. explain how your kid reinfected your computer with spyware
14. try to stop you when you say you are going to switch ISPs
15. enjoy your snotty exasperated sighs when I ask you to do something
16. know what "it" means when you say "My internet doesn't work. When I click on it nothing happens."
17. go on and on about all the stupid things customers do 50 times a day

Please don't ask me "Is the internet down?" either. If you do I'm going to say "Yes. It's complete anarchy. Planes are crashing. All stoplights are green. The world's financial markets are in ruins. It's all over cnn.com" I will say it in a sarcastic monotone too. I'm not someone who thinks that customers are stupid for not knowing how to use their computers. It's OK that you don't know. At some point I didn't either and I had to call Mezzo to ask dumb questions. But I didn't call him, and ask, and then not listen to his answer. See, what makes me think that customers are stupid is when they act like they DO know what they are talking about. They don't. No matter who calls in, no matter what the problem, the customer will NEVER believe the technical support representative unless he says what they want to hear; that the problem is with the ISP. The best part is, in more than 98 percent of our calls the problem has nothing do with the ISP. It's the router or the user or the pc. In that order. When you call me you better realize that I am not some $8/hr phone monkey with a script and an agenda. I am a well paid, well trained, extrememly knowledgeable expert in my field and I have been granted unprecedented access to my company's systems. My only goal is to find out where the problem is and IF it is with the ISP, fix it. Beyond that it's not my problem and I hate you for being a dick to me.