Reader Created

As the long string of links and videos prove, I haven't had a lot of time or energy to devote to blogging lately.

That hasn't changed. But in order to keep the site interesting I'm proposing some reader participation.

So what would do for a couple of laughs? A caption contest? A best pickup line contest? A "name that cooter" contest? I suppose that would really be a caption contest. Still... how often do you get a chance to name a cooter? Euphamisms for jacking off? Let's have some feedback. Alternate suggestions encouraged. Keep in mind, this is Mental Fiber. Dirtiness encouraged!

No! You can't see my reciept!

Anyone who knows how much I LOVE being a dick to people on principle knows I'm gonna SO do this. I'm gonna f-ing enjoy it too.

BBC EduPorn?! Rock On.

Caution, very graphic and NOT work safe.

Billy's parents are divorced!

Metallicorphan...

...it just dawned on me, as I was reviewing my eBay account.  Did you get that thing I sent you? 
Wait...  did we have this conversation once before on TEHG?  If you did get it, was it in good shape?
Was it the right thing?   

Finally...

...an exhibit that uses children as the feces in a demonstration of the digestive system.

No Caption Needed.

I pledge allegiance to the Wii and to the corporation for which it stands.

I suppose I could be considered a fanboy. I was a Sega man in the beginning of my console gaming life but after the Sega CD died I left the world of gaming for a long time only to re-enter as a PC-Gamer. However, when I first moved to MN I had spent a brief time living with Frankles' brother and his N64. It had made an impression on me, though it didn't really become apparent until much later.

After doing a necessary upgrade to Windows XP and subsequently finding I could no longer play several of my games (Sime Theme Park!) I decided the constant cycle of upgrading my PC to play new games was annoying, time consuming, and expensive. Mrs. Whackly and I decided to buy a N64 at Best Buy on our way back to St. Cloud from the airport.

We played MarioKart, Donkey Kong 64, Space Station Silicon Valley (one of the best games I've ever played on any console), Rush 2, and Rush 2049. The multiplayer mode on Rush 2049 was one of the best ever. I don't know if it was really all that good or if I love it because I was just some kind of unholy and autistic savant level of good at it.

Obviously, when the Gamecube came out it was a no brainer that we would upgrade. We did wait a while and actually got our GNC second hand from Marcia's brother who had decided get a PS2. It was a good investment but we struggled to find games that had that spectacular multiplayer experience from the N64. MarioKart Double Dash on the GCN was close but the multiplayer was a bit thin compared to MarioKart 64.

Then came Mezzo. He'd had an Xbox for a while and during a visit to his new house in IL he convinced me I should get one too. It was a good descision. We played Star Wars Battlefront and Star Wars Battlefront 2 until 2 in the morning too many nights to count. The lack of sleep was detracting from our everyday lives but we couldn't resist the sweet satisfaction of watching Kaiser PC get blown up by a well placed land mine or the sould lifting pleasure of chucking a grenade into a room full of stormtroopers and rushing in to pick off the survivors. It was awesome.

There was a problem, though. My multiplayer/social gaming experience had swung completely to the realm of online gaming and the time spent gaming with my wife had dwindled to near nothingness. We tried a few things. We played Zelda: Four Swords with our GBAs connected to the GCN but it just wasn't scratching the itch.

Then came the 360. I won mine (mostly thanks to Jumper!). Got it two days before launch from the good people at Pepsicola Softdrinks and Diabetes (Mountain Dew, specifically). Mezzo and I suddenly had a bunch of newer and prettier games to play. Many of them are super cool and bundles of fun but we haven't quite found a replacement for Star Wars Battlefront just yet. Call Of Duty 3 is out. If looks promising. We'll see. The Xbox Live Arcade did, however, rekindle the idea that Mrs. Whackly and I should be playing together once again. Our search for the "killer app" has brought me to many fun games but, much like my next-gen struggle to find the right game between Mezzo and I, our efforts to fill our multiplayer yearnings have not been fruitful.

I don't wish to sound like I don't like my 360. I love it. It's basically our cable box now since I use the Media Center capability to connect it to my Media Center PC in the office. It does an awesome job of upscaling DVDs to 1080i (I'm unclear on exactly what it's doing there but I have an expensive Sony progressive scan 5 disc dvd changer and the same disks look so much better played on the 360 that it's silly-Mezzo has the same dvd player as me and I think he'll agree). I have some really awesome games for the 360 (Marble Blast Ultra, Ghost Recon, PGR3, and many more - and don't forget Oblivion!!!!!). For all its coolness the 360 has left some part of my inner gamer unfulfilled.

The Erotic Awakening of Wii. Thanks to Something Dirty (who was willing to pick my Wii for me before the mall closed which subsequently allowed me to not have to leave a family gathering in WI early for a video game console) I got my Wii last sunday. I didn't dive right into the games. I spend nearly an hour trying to get it connected to the internet. The tried and true addage "It's your router, it's your router, it's your router." held true once again. Once online, updated, and ready I started playing the games.

First stop, Wii Sports. Color me impressed. I had psyched myself up for a long time to be objective 'cause I had this feeling that I was going to like it no matter what. Objectivity be damned. It's cool as hell! Next stop, virtual console. Sim City! Mario 64! Sonic the Hedgehog! Downloaded, played, enjoyed! Not multiplayer but cool as hell. I noticed last night that Bomberman 93 is up there (from the T16!). That could be the multiplayer killer app Marcia and I have been looking for... but then again, so could Wii Sports! If they release Rush 2049 for the Virtual Console I'm quitting my job to play. It was a dreamcast title as well as an N64 title so it seems likely that it will come out on XBLA or NVC at some point. I'm hoping to see Military Madness (T16) on there too (its like Advance Wars for the GBA.. only 10 years earlier).

I got Rayman: Raving Rabbids. It's cool. Not really my speed. I think Mrs. Whackly will like it and it might right for Whackly Jr. when he gets a little older. I also got the Monkeyball title but I haven't opened it yet. How many mini-games does one man need? I think I'll exchange it for something more in depth. To be honest, I kinda wish I'd open the Monkeyball game first and was taking back Rayman. But the past is the past and not every game we own HAS to be something I enjoy. If it's right for the other gamers in the family, that's cool too.

This weekend will tell all. We have a holiday weekend, of sorts, coming up and my wife and I will have a chance to play some of these games together (especially if I can find another controller) and I have great hope that the Wii will finally bring us full circle. I picture the Mrs. and I jumping around our living room like injured, uncoordinated animals attempting to destroy one another at Wii Tennis. The gaming future looks bright.

If you've not had a chance to play a Wii do yourself a favor and find a way. Nintendo knows what they are doing. It's not going to replace the PC or the 360 or the PS3 (barf) for those hardcore gamers. But for those new to the gaming experience and those who are more focused on having fun with a game than marvelling at pretty graphics the Wii is instantly engaging and intuitive. If could make a gamer out of you... No... I'm fucking serious! It really could. It's not hype. It's actually really freaking cool!

The Wii is cool. Game Crazy sucks hot buttered wallaby cock.

Whackly whines too. 

Fuck your sob story.... read this instead.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with it.

Look! I found you a new boyfriend!

My heart is full of Sadness.

In honor of Ben.
Now that you've moved to Hawaii who's going to service the pooches?

Sound Advice with Tad Whackly

If you have a job and get a new one, work them both for a while. Tell all your co-workers. Don't tell your boss. Feel guilty about it. Also, feel relieved that you might actually be leaving your current job behind if you can just find it in yourself to match the enthusiasm of the much younger co-workers at your new, smaller office.


If you go hiking in the woods with friends in an area where there are large mammals, don't be be the slowest one. Invite a lazy friend. Preferably an overweight smoker. Your friends will think this new addition to the group is a drag... until you see the bear.


Never trust a Hommerding.


If your orange juice doesn't work, switch. If your relationships don't work, change. If you're car doesn't work, fix it. If your computer doesn't work, go into a luddite rage and blame your ISP, support reps in India, the Republicans, and anyone else you can so that you don't have to face the fact that you really should have read that EULA when you were installing Limewire.


When firing a gun, aim away from your face.*


When the company you work for doesn't seem to understand its own product, quit.


If you find that, when you leave work, you haven't forgotten work by the time you get home you need to:
1. Move farther away from work.
2. Quit


If your great idea to revolutionize your office involves an acronymn, scrap it and get a good idea instead.


If you're boss hands you $50, take it and understand that this man, regardless of any other issue, is a good man. If your boss is a woman you need to work harder.**


If you find yourself outdoors and drunk, stay away from open water. No matter how appealing it looks just remember that whenever a drunk person goes missing the body is eventually found floating.


If you have to choose between being right and being accepted, choose acceptance. Being right too much makes people dislike you.


If you have to ask, don't. That's what Google is for.


Never watch Fox News. If you find yourself watching Fox News and agreeing, be afraid. Politics aside, you gain nothing from having someone constantly telling what you want to hear and you gain even less by watching something you knew in advance was going to make you mad.


Any movie is a good movie if you can suspend your resistance and just accept it.... like a rape victim.***


Nipples and poop make any joke funnier.


Deer hunting might be an honorable and fruitful venture. It may connect you with the outdoors, teach patience, and allow you to relax. However, unless you're hunting deer with a knife, it's not a sport. Saying otherwise makes you look like the kind of person that kills things for fun. From there it's only one sexually charged and carefully planned murderous step to prison and criminological infamy.


*If you suck, aim at face.
**Just a fucking joke!
***Except Master Of Disguise. That movie is awful.

http://www.itoen.com/tea/index.cfm 

Yo' Foster Mama Loves You THIS MUCH!

 Now get your ass back into public school, urchin!



Portrait of Michelle Bachmann used without permission.

My vote for best toy of the future.

http://www.ted.com/tedtalks/tedtalksplayer.cfm?key=j_han&flashEnabled=1& 

Dedicated to he who shall remain nameless.

J-L-S! Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh! Beep boop, boop beep boop.

If this doesn't make you smile you are souless, dead, or Michelle Bachmann

Sick of Campain Ads?

Entertainment Ahoy!

In Honor of Soldiers of Conscience

"Cowardice asks the question, "Is it safe?" Expediency asks the question, "Is it politic?" But conscience asks the question, "Is it right?" And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular but because conscience tells one it is right."
-Martin Luther King


"We have found ourselves in a pivotal era where we have traded humanity for patriotism. Where we have traded our civil liberties for a sense of security. I stand here before you sharing the same idea as Henry David Thoreau: as a soldier, as an American, and as a human being, we mustn't lend ourselves to that same evil which we condemn."
- Sgt. Ricky Clousing

"The war in Iraq violates our democratic system of checks and balances. It usurps international treaties and conventions that, by virtue of the Constitution, become American law. The wholesale slaughter and mistreatment of Iraqis is not only a terrible moral injustice, but it is a contradiction to the Army's own law of land warfare. My participation would make me party to war crimes. Normally, those in the military have allowed others to speak for them and act on their behalf. I believe that time has come to an end."
-Lieut. Ehren Watada

"Well, I'd like to apologize to Iraq honestly, because I think we have done so many things wrong over there. I think the military guys wanted to go over there and really liberate Iraq, and we have just really screwed it up."
-Spc. Tony Lagouranis

Avoiding controversy trumps customer aquisition.