The Fibrix: Reloaded

It's a well known fact that I'm my own biggest fan. I make myself laugh more than anyone else (true no matter which way you take it). To prove my point I am re-posting some practice SAT/ACT questions I originally wrote in August of 2005.

1. Which of the following sentences is written in passive past tense?
a. My dick itched.
b. My dick was itchy.
c. My dick did itch.

2. Which of the following sentences uses a metaphor?
a. My ass is a jealous girlfriend.
b. My ass is like a jealous girlfriend.
c. My ass is jealous like a girlfriend.

3. Which of the following sentences contains a mispelling?
a. Holy crap, that's the most enormous butt plug I have ever seen.
b. Holy crap, are you planing to put that butt plug in my ass?
c. Holy crap, that is the hugest think I have ever put in my ass.

4. Which of the following is the wrong answer?
a. This one
b. This one
c. The one above this one.
d. All of the above.

5. How many sorority girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
a. One, to hold the bulb still while the world revolves around her.
b. Two, one to flick the switch on and off in bewilderment and one to call Daddy.
c. Three, one to fix the problem and two to have a naked tickle fight.
d. Four, one to hold the ladder, one to switch bulbs, two to read the directions.

6. Which of the following is an animal?
a. tit
b. dooderfish
c. cooter
d. All of the above

7. Which of the following is not a thinly veiled euphamism representing a sexual act?
a. Gorphing hoagie
b. Colonel Angus
c. Felching
d. Punching pork

8. Which of the following can not be used for insertion and penetration?
a. elbow
b. head
c. kitchen shears
d. none of the above

9. Which of the following is grammatically correct?
a. He banged her like she was out of grade school.
b. The dark tinting on the van window was peeling.
c. Quality nylon ropes do not leave rope burn wounds.
d. All of the above.

10. Kangaroos are to wallabies as "Babe Winkleman" is to "_____."
a. The Flying Dutchman
b. Mackrel flaps
c. Dirty Sanchez
d. Donkey Punch