The winter of my discontent.

I could go on and on and on with every annoying thing I have witnessed in my 6 years in this place but that would take at least 80,000 words and so much obtuse allegory that only a semiotics major would enjoy it. Let's just review the last few days. It's not proof of how much it sucks in Minnesota but if you can empathize with me enought to imagine that this sort of minor occurence is constant and neverending here you can begin to get an idea. It's hot. It's hot like a 3rd world country. In fact impoverished 8-12 year old girls in guatemala would just plain refuse to sew Reeboks in this heat. They would strike. Here is some of the Minnesota Hot Dish from my ears to my fingers to you. There is a man on a farm who has noticed that he has an enormous aging bald eagle perched on a dead branch on the top of one of his elm trees. He realizes that this bird is probably why his farm cats have been dissappearing at the rate of about 1 cat per week. Rather than cut off the food supply and force the eagle to go elsewhere he keeps buying cats from the humane society and bringing them home. A co-worker has a sister who works in a flower shop. This flower shop was visited by a woman and her daughter who just happen to live behind the house my co-worker just moved in to. The sister of my co-worker says "Oh, you live right behind my sister! She just bought the house on the corner across the alley!" The woman replies, with malicious disdain, "Your sister is the MEXICAN that bought the house behind mine!?" I am sitting at my desk speaking about a case in my town where someone who had been pulled over attempted to run from the police but ended up dragging the officer who was caught on the car. The officer shot the man to stop the car and the suspect lived. The suspect is in critical condition. Some added that the suspect was black and that there was starting to be some backlash around town and some questions about whether the shooting was necessary. Another co-worker remaks "Good, I hope he fuckin' dies!" I didn't know what he meant by it but thought that in any light it was a bit too far and I said so. He laughed, smiled, backed off it a bit but subsequent conversation made it obvious to me that the comment was racially inspired. I cannot help but think that it was more than just a bit hypocritical since the person who made this alleged racist remark is an avid participator in many aspects of african-american culture including hip-hop, and other "cracker friendly" "blacktivities." A few days ago I was at Culver's and I ordered a bacon cheeseburger w/ only catsup. What I got was a hamburger with catsup, bacon and no cheese. Did they misunderstand and think that catsup only meant no cheese or bacon on the bacon cheeseburger but still screw that up and put bacon on or did they just plain forget that a cheeseburger should have cheese on it? Who knows. Today my wife brought me lunch. She got it at the restaurant she works at. They were cheeseburgers, no fries, and a diet coke. The cheeseburgers had stickers on them that said only light catsup and yet each one had onions, mustard, pickles and ,if you want to be a literal prick, cheese. My power was off today. There was no storm or atmospheric penomena to cause this. Apparently somebody just decided to lean against a wall somwhere so as to look cool when the office skank he fancies walked by and ended up shutting down the grid. I can't make it 5 blocks from home without witnessing at least 3 gross traffic violations. It's been proven with crash statistics and violation data that the area I live is 2nd only to Dallas Texas for bad drivers. I want to get that out there because many of you have thought I just needlessly complain and that the drivers here are no worse than anywhere else. I would also like to say that if you really do think that drivers here aren't that bad it probably means you are a bad driver. Sorry to break it to you like that. My wife's mother, a horrible and heinous succubus who could make even Odysseus upchuck and run like a cat with sand crab on it's tail, cleans a bar every morning. This bar is owned by her sister (not a succubus). This bar was recently broken inot. Desipite the fact that he has more airtight alabis than someone who was being DNA tested on the stage at Carnegi Hall at the time of the crime my wife's brother, a man who had problems with the law as a child but not as a man, was accused by his mother of commiting the robbery. There is no proof, evidence, or reason to suspect him it's just that when she thinks of crime her mind immediately turns to her own son. This woman, barely a mother even by lizard standards, has the flagrant hubris, immediately after accusing her son of a crime even a retarded earthworm could see he didn't commit, to ask him to buy her a CD because he didn't buy her anything for Mother's Day. Someday, if the audience so desires, I could write an uber-blog about his woman. She would be a great case study for a psychologist trying to make a name for himself (or herself you P.C. pedant). I know this didn't happen in my town but it's worth a mention. Doordolt mentioned this one to me yesterday but I saw it for myself last night. That "ghost hunter" lady on Penn & Teller Bullshit actually said she was teabagged by a ghost. Teabagged. The ghost was dipping his ghost balls in her mouth while she was sleeping. Had she been gargling warm water I imagine the ghost would have liked it more but as a ghost it's hard to communicate "I want you to gargle warm water while I dip my balls in your mouth." in whispered moans and bumping noises. I supposed you could write it in blood on the wall or something but then you have to have a permit from the Ministry of Haunting and Knoodling. How those two ended up with the same minister nobody will ever know. You should see the line at the office. Damn it, I am in a bad mood lately. On the upside some dork named NumberXIII came onto our SWBF game last night and tried to pull the same lame trick over and over and ended up getting completely scrantoned (Ohio and everything). His noob cherry got busted so bad he caught the bus to sore loserville and left. It's always good to have a whipping bitch.