My apoligies if you are offended... but...

I hereby pledge to respond with bile and venom to any email forward I get that isn't of some legitimate purpose (like travel arrangements, necessary informational updates, or shared congratulations). I pledge to do so no matter who sends it to me so I hope to god I never get one from my mom. If you have my email address just because you know me and don't send me email for any other reason why the hell do you think I give a shit about your "answer all these questions with the first letter of your name" email? I really fucking don't. I moved hundreds of miles away and have maintained friendships with 5 people in the whole state and you aren't one of them. I don't have any personal problem with you. I don't dislike you but please understand...

every time I get excited because I think I got and email from my cousin and I click on it and it turns out to be another inane pile of tripe I want to tattoo your name on a puppy and strangle it.