People Are Stupid...
I work for an ISP. I work in the field in a fairly large market with a couple of branches that shoot off to cover more remote areas. One of these areas is pretty far out. The microwave link from the main market to this town alone is 17 miles long and there are no main roads going directly from one to the other. Getting there is an hour long pain in the ass of driving through alternating chunks of Amish country and butt raping hillbilly backwoods. I don't enjoy having to go there.
I went there on Thursday, though. There was a customer who was complaining of slow speeds. No signal? That's my department. Throughout my career, however, slow speed has almost always meant that the problem is on the customer's end. Our phone techs are absolutely useless though so they, as our phone techs nearly always do, blundered past about 300 obvious signs and issued a request for me to check it out.
I get there and do my initial assessment.
1. Good signal.
2. Wireless router with 1 desktop, 1 laptop, and one xbox 360.
3. Computer work area completely covered with food crumbs as if an animal had been living there.
4. Customer who couldn't have been more of a doofus if he'd had buckteeth and laughed like Goofy.
5. Internet speeds are extremely slow.
I ask him to turn off the wireless laptop. I reset the router. Improvement already (duh) noticeable. I begin a series of ping tests. Extremely high latency. Customer is in my ear bitching that Halo 3 is unplayably laggy and blah blah blah. Is your computer on when you are having lag problems with Halo 3? Yes. Hmmm... I wonder. Go to system tray, right click on Limeware icon and choose exit. Ping latency clears up immediately. I told the customer I turned off Limewire and it fixed the problem and he informed me that he didn't have limewire on. I turned it on. Showed him as the problem came back. Clicked the red x to exit and showed him that it was still running in the sysytem tray. Closed it from the system tray and showed him that the problem had gone.
He had songs and some (and of course I looked at his queue! are you kidding?) seriously kinky ameteur porn downloading about which he made a really pathetic excuse. Apprently he "accidentally clicks on porn sometimes when he's choosing songs to download." I don't know what kinds of songs come up with the search terms that bring up this particularly consistent strain of porn. If I ever hear a song called "Teen Rape" from a band called "Russian Amateurs" I'll entertain the possibility of believing this dudes story.
Anyhow, he proceeds to tell me, as I'm recommending anti-spyware software, that his computer is spyware free because Norton scans come up clean. His norton is in a state of warning which, when checked, says that it has long since expired. His virus definitions date back to 2005. He also states that he's using Limewire pro so his music downloads are all legal. That's when I chose to stop keeping my mouth shut. I explained that paying Limewire just means that you are getting the spyware free version of Limewire's software. The downloads are still illegal. He countred by stating that because he's not selling the stuff he downloads it is legal. I explained that it's illegal either way but that your more likely to get caught sharing than you are downloading. He counters that he doesn't share. He downloads the songs directly to My Documents and bypasses Limewire's "Shared" folder. Aww... stupid man. Unless you know what you are doing this does not prevent you from sharing. He didn't know what he was doing. I showed him, with delight in my heart, that for years he had been sharing his entire My Documents folder with everyone on Limewire. This included family photos, personal documents (his Resume and the like) and home movies. He told me I was wrong but as I clicked through the options in Limewire I got to watch it dawn on him that I wasn't. I explained to him about file sharing and legalities. He didn't understand how they could tell where it was coming from since his computer had a private ipaddress from the router. The router has an ip address from the ISP. It's like a funnel. This shit isn't conceptually difficult unless your in serious denial about the fact that your bedroom pics of your girlfriend have been shared with p2p users the world wide. HAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, my meeting with this guy went on forever. He wanted me to watch him play Halo 3 so he could show me how it lags and prove that turning off Limewire didn't fix anything. Of course, Halo 3 performed perfectly because turning off Limewire had, in fact, fixed the problem. He wanted to show me his videos of him playing Halo 3 and explain how he was putting them on youtube. He even explained how he had made a (godawful) intro graphic to match his Xbox Live screen name. When he finally conceded that everything I had told him was correct and that the problem had nothing to do with me or the ISP I turned to leave. His girlfriend came home at that moment. She was pretty and well dressed. She spoke to me for a few minutes. She seemed pretty smart too. She certainly seemed to not only understand my explanation but also seemed to have known in advance that the problem was no with the ISP and that her boyfriend was just a big windy doofus.
So there it is. If anyone is interested contact me and I'll tell you where she is and shit. Someone needs to rescue her. She could do better... easily. Most women could, my wife included. This, however, was an extreme case. So... eligible bachelors in OH please email me and I'll find a way to get you in contact with her.
I went there on Thursday, though. There was a customer who was complaining of slow speeds. No signal? That's my department. Throughout my career, however, slow speed has almost always meant that the problem is on the customer's end. Our phone techs are absolutely useless though so they, as our phone techs nearly always do, blundered past about 300 obvious signs and issued a request for me to check it out.
I get there and do my initial assessment.
1. Good signal.
2. Wireless router with 1 desktop, 1 laptop, and one xbox 360.
3. Computer work area completely covered with food crumbs as if an animal had been living there.
4. Customer who couldn't have been more of a doofus if he'd had buckteeth and laughed like Goofy.
5. Internet speeds are extremely slow.
I ask him to turn off the wireless laptop. I reset the router. Improvement already (duh) noticeable. I begin a series of ping tests. Extremely high latency. Customer is in my ear bitching that Halo 3 is unplayably laggy and blah blah blah. Is your computer on when you are having lag problems with Halo 3? Yes. Hmmm... I wonder. Go to system tray, right click on Limeware icon and choose exit. Ping latency clears up immediately. I told the customer I turned off Limewire and it fixed the problem and he informed me that he didn't have limewire on. I turned it on. Showed him as the problem came back. Clicked the red x to exit and showed him that it was still running in the sysytem tray. Closed it from the system tray and showed him that the problem had gone.
He had songs and some (and of course I looked at his queue! are you kidding?) seriously kinky ameteur porn downloading about which he made a really pathetic excuse. Apprently he "accidentally clicks on porn sometimes when he's choosing songs to download." I don't know what kinds of songs come up with the search terms that bring up this particularly consistent strain of porn. If I ever hear a song called "Teen Rape" from a band called "Russian Amateurs" I'll entertain the possibility of believing this dudes story.
Anyhow, he proceeds to tell me, as I'm recommending anti-spyware software, that his computer is spyware free because Norton scans come up clean. His norton is in a state of warning which, when checked, says that it has long since expired. His virus definitions date back to 2005. He also states that he's using Limewire pro so his music downloads are all legal. That's when I chose to stop keeping my mouth shut. I explained that paying Limewire just means that you are getting the spyware free version of Limewire's software. The downloads are still illegal. He countred by stating that because he's not selling the stuff he downloads it is legal. I explained that it's illegal either way but that your more likely to get caught sharing than you are downloading. He counters that he doesn't share. He downloads the songs directly to My Documents and bypasses Limewire's "Shared" folder. Aww... stupid man. Unless you know what you are doing this does not prevent you from sharing. He didn't know what he was doing. I showed him, with delight in my heart, that for years he had been sharing his entire My Documents folder with everyone on Limewire. This included family photos, personal documents (his Resume and the like) and home movies. He told me I was wrong but as I clicked through the options in Limewire I got to watch it dawn on him that I wasn't. I explained to him about file sharing and legalities. He didn't understand how they could tell where it was coming from since his computer had a private ipaddress from the router. The router has an ip address from the ISP. It's like a funnel. This shit isn't conceptually difficult unless your in serious denial about the fact that your bedroom pics of your girlfriend have been shared with p2p users the world wide. HAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, my meeting with this guy went on forever. He wanted me to watch him play Halo 3 so he could show me how it lags and prove that turning off Limewire didn't fix anything. Of course, Halo 3 performed perfectly because turning off Limewire had, in fact, fixed the problem. He wanted to show me his videos of him playing Halo 3 and explain how he was putting them on youtube. He even explained how he had made a (godawful) intro graphic to match his Xbox Live screen name. When he finally conceded that everything I had told him was correct and that the problem had nothing to do with me or the ISP I turned to leave. His girlfriend came home at that moment. She was pretty and well dressed. She spoke to me for a few minutes. She seemed pretty smart too. She certainly seemed to not only understand my explanation but also seemed to have known in advance that the problem was no with the ISP and that her boyfriend was just a big windy doofus.
So there it is. If anyone is interested contact me and I'll tell you where she is and shit. Someone needs to rescue her. She could do better... easily. Most women could, my wife included. This, however, was an extreme case. So... eligible bachelors in OH please email me and I'll find a way to get you in contact with her.
6 Comments:
My God, what a god aweful story about a stupid user. You should have taken all his technology away from him, and declared a stupid technology citizen's arrest.
i wish i could.. but he'll get sued by the riaa that'll learn'm
admit it whackly...you liked this guy didnt you?,you thought he was an okay dude!!....you was thinking of asking him to join you on team fortress 2 because mezzo hasnt got it...weren't you?...you will compare halo vids later,and send each other halo photos of you 'owning' people,LOL
and yeah,every fucker and his dog knows you gotta shutdown limewire before playing online
and yeah i download a lot of shit from limewire,more in protess that my stupid country is so behind the times in TV(we are still half way through heroes season 1...and californication has just started)...so screw BBC..even though i pay for it,i download my programmes as soon as they have been on North america tv...the ones i am interested in anyway(south park,heroes and californication)
as you said,you have to be careful what you do download,i mean you could just be looking for the latest Lost episode and you get two soldier guys fucking instead...not a pretty sight when expecting Kate on the beach....make sure you take note of the size of the download before clicking
and i think paying for limewire or getting it free,is still illegal to download most stuff....i really havent got a clue how limewire is even aloud to run to tell you the truth
some advice. screw limewire and p2p altogether. use bittorrent. in fact download and use the opera browser. it has a bit torrent client built in. get torrent links from www.demonoid.com and www.thepiratebay.org and use Peer Guardian. Use Peer Guardian. Use Peer Guardian. Use Peer Guardian. Use Peer Guardian. Use Peer Guardian. Use Peer Guardian. Funny you should be dissatisfied with being behind on TV while I'm here in the US trying to find the latest episodes of Top Gear and The IT Crowd. I've only just gotten all of Series two of the IT crowd and the season that started with Hammond coming back after the accident just ended on BBC America. I know there must be more episodes after that! P.S. I HATE jeremy clarkson. Not a violent hate but more of a "I find him to be and irritating git" sort of hate.
holy shit,no way do you watch that..yeah there are episodes after,i watch it every now and then and enjoy it when i do watch it(as i dont drive..but like cars)...jeremy clarkson...yeah i think everyone finds him a bit of a twat,he has just been named in the top ten of english wit(with others like winnie chuchill,oscar wilde and stephen fry(if you know him)
he was number 4 actually
as for torrent,i can never get the damen thing to do a fast enough download,whenever i want something,it always takes days no honestly,days!!...whereas limewire i usually get things say in a hour or two
yes... bit torrent can take days, yes. it will be better if you use good torrents and check to see how many seeders there are for that torrent. demonoid.com is especially good for that. then you can choose the best torrent. but the beauty of bittorrent is that you are far less likely to be discovered by those who don't want you downloading their copyrighted material and you will find that if you are patient with torrents it will pay off. it may run slow for the first 6 hours but if you are sharing it back out to other people it all starts to snowball and you'll keep getting it faster and faster.
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