Desperate Housewives

Rabid granola crunching soccer mom's search peer2peer services desperately for copies of stolen and scanned versions of the new Harry Potter novel. Susan of Newbury Conecticut (right) has taken her laptop to a local coffee shop to avoid publishers and the F.B.I. tracking her by her ip address. Asked why she would go to such lengths she remarked "Look at him. He's half retarded. If he doesn't have at least a 24 hour head start he will not finish the book along with the other children. The cruel mongrels will tear him apart at the seams. Imagine what hearing an 'ending spoiler' could do to a child his age! He could grow up to actually understand strife and humiliation as part of life instead of being the self-absorbed troglodyte with no concept of real consequenses we want him to be!"